1000th of a second

That’s all it took that first night I saw him. Standing with his friend watching the band. My heart did this little somersault and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. Oh my sweet Adonis. There he was standing, in the flesh, right before my eyes. You know that to this day I can’t remember who talked to who first. All I remember is him turning around and … after that? Bubdkas. Nada. Next conscious memory I have is him back at my place telling me, whilst naked, that he was married.

I actually thought I had deleted that picture. When I came across it this morning … I don’t know … man, does that picture bring it all back.

I don’t know what possessed me to go in the first place – his conference gave us the perfect escape, the perfect cover. No one from his office would be there as this was an industry conference, so he was representing his firm. The whole thing had stupid written all over it. Who am I to be playing around with something that’s not mine? Playing in hotel rooms at business conferences no less. Holy Cow batman, that ain’t the girl I used to know. I am not THAT girl. I know better than to mess around with a married man. Never never never would I have in two million years imagined myself there, in San Francisco with a married man having our picture taken by a stranger. Evidence of our lies.

The thing that kills me is how on earth did his wife not know? Thursday was our regularly scheduled play date and a couple of times she even drove him, with his kid in the car. Good grief, what was I thinking. Can you imagine that? Kid in the car.

The worst part about that weekend was that stupid hand-blown glass factory I found.

He’d had a conference, as I mentioned, during the day. Well that went until around 3 or 4PM, so I had most of the day to poke around and explore. Being a small town girl, I didn’t go far. I decided to just stay in the area around the hotel itself. Big cities I don’t know, for bumpkins like myself, can be opportunities to get lost and get hit by vehicles. Everything around the hotel was so expensive, but it was fun to pretend I was someone else for the day. It was fun to look. As I was heading back to the hotel I came upon this little park and hiding in amongst the trees were all these outdoor tables set up and these artisans selling their wares. I found this beautiful red Apple Coral set, fell in love with it actually. I never buy jewelry, ever. I don’t know why, I just needed a little something to make me feel special…and those earrings and that gorgeous necklace were all that and a bag a chips. I found it somewhat ironic I was buying it for myself, whilst on a tryst with a married man. Wasn’t he supposed to do this?

It was as I was heading back up to the hotel I came upon this warehouse with an old ragged sign out front advertising a glassblowing tour…so I went in. It was beautiful. The whole place was filled with glassware of all shapes, colours and styles. They had the most beautiful cranberry glass I have ever seen and it was all made right there on site.

After watching them make this really neat dragon, I headed back to the hotel. When I got to the lobby Adonis was finished up and so we went back up to the room. Well, I won’t get into details, but we had a shower and we got ready after deciding to go out for a bite to eat. I wanted to show him the Glass shop on the way. That was my mistake. He ruined it. Well, ok, it was one big RUIN from the start. He wrecked the glassblowing place for me though.

I had had such a great day, and what does my beautiful Adonis do? Buys a chandelier for their dining room. Oh, don’t get me wrong, dang thing was gorgeous upside down and backwards. Stunning in every way. Would of loved it in my dining room…if I had one. Regardless, in a 1000th of a second I could have smashed every piece of beautiful glass in my vicinity with the frequency of my anger. The kicker? He was oblivious. Had absolutely no idea at all I was angry, or even should be angry for that matter. I don’t think it even entered his beautiful head. Far as he was concerned, what did I have to be angry about?

Really, what right did I have? If I had to pinpoint when my beautiful Adonis lost any shine he had left for me, it was on the trip back home. I guess it was just the push I needed. Thank god. Up until that trip I would have done anything to have him, even as little as I had, I was willing. I loved him, I thought, and eventually he would be mine {that’s funny, eh?}. On the trip home I realized he would never be mine. Primarily because on the trip home I decided I really did not want him that badly anymore. Not sure exactly which thing it was he did…the kid thing in the car with his wife driving him took him down a few notches. Well, no, let’s be fair, the first thing was the cheating on his wife with me part. Than of course the chandelier.

Yet, it was during that conversation on the plane ride home we had concerning the state of the world, the environment and what we should do about it that I saw into my sweet Adonis’ mind; and it was disappointing. His remedy? We do nothing. It doesn’t matter what we do it’s all going to hell in a hand-basket. That is according to my sweet Adonis. Em. Weelllllll. Really?

That shut me up. Actually, till now. After that trip it was done. That picture represents goodbye for me. Goodbye to delusions, and my sweet Adonis.