Over the last month I have been researching the Golden Spiral and the mathematical formula based on that spiral, named after it’s founder;

Leonardo Pisano Bigollo (c. 1170 – c. 1250)^[1] also known as Leonardo of Pisa, Leonardo Pisano, Leonardo Bonacci, Leonardo Fibonacci, or, most commonly, simply Fibonacci, was an Italian mathematician, considered by some “the most talented western mathematician of the Middle Ages.”^[2] Fibanacci numbers 1,1,2,3,5,8,15…

“In Geometry, a golden spiral is a logarithmic spiral whose growth factor is, the golden ratio […] a golden spiral gets wider (or farther from its origins) by a factor of φ for every quarter turn it makes”.

Put in simpler terms;
GROW 1, BEND 1 – GROW 2, BEND 1 – GROW 3, BEND 1.

That spiral growth pattern is seen throughout nature; in the pattern of leaves, seed growth like papaya seeds or pine cones, you can even observe it in our own solar system. It represents a form of repetitive, structured growth.

The geometry and the principles themselves go way back into ancient history, the sequence of numbers was merely named after Fibonacci I believe as he defined the ratio that was used. However, the principles were utilized by the ancient Egyptians in much of their architecture and it is believed they felt it gave the structures a more “harmonic design”. So I got thinking there must be something in this, why not use that growth pattern in my life? Next question then, of course, was how? How does one incorporate that harmonious transition into a life?

This is my kind of loose philosophy based on Fibonacci ratio: the first step is always the hardest and therefore often involves the most compromise in order to accomplish – GROW 1, BEND 1 (bend=compromise).

Yet as the spiral begins to take shape (GROW 2, BEND 1 – GROW 3, BEND 1) those instances of compromise don’t increase, but the amount of growth we experience does and we move farther away from where we began.

In the first square the space between seems vast, and the bend, therefore, needs to match. That is a metaphor that speaks to how I feel about everything – that first initial “leap of faith” is only the first step. It symbolizes for me that arc of change requires me to let go, to fly free of whatever it is that has held me back in the past from truly following what I desire.

I want to go back to school and bring my web developer skills up to par with today’s standards. I designed websites for 7 years beginning around 1997 or so. Everything I know I taught myself, so I’m not worried about the learning curve. It will be a challenge though and I’m up for that big time.

I want to seriously pursue how I am going to make this happen. There are programs and sponsorships, bursaries, loans (although that may be a stretch) some programs are offered via the government. So that’s the step after getting the apartment. Rather, steps, as that’s when the real hard work starts.

I am stunned at Fibonacci’s ratio and how such a seemingly simple design can even be applied to so many facets of our everyday lives. Like the ancient Egyptians, I see how that ratio gives a certain harmony and a mystique to designs both natural and man-made. It defines the architecture of the soul, and speaks to both our right and left brain tendencies. As I understand it, symbolism engages the right and the geometry attracts the left. Ah, the symmetry of it all.

Ok, so enough of the philosophizing on papaya seeds and pine cones, how does this relate to my life directly? I realized that if I was truly going to use my spiral metaphor of change than it was time to make my first compromise. Once accomplished, it was so incredibly freeing.

What was this compromise? Well, I decided that leaving this “home” I’ve known for 4 years, where Tim spent his last days and where we laughed and cried together, is going to be like tearing a hunk of flesh from my living body. I’m going to need a breath afterward. I shake my head that I thought I could do all this AND actually, look for an apartment. It looks good on paper, but the reality was giving me anxiety attacks and many sessions of sobbing.

Untangling my stuff from his stuff and from the cottage stuff and then leaving forever must be THE first step. No, finding an apartment right away. I see for myself that I have to be more focused now. All of a sudden I started to panic and realized that I was again at risk of losing my dreams due to fear. When we are under stress our choices become ones made more from anxiety than rationality. I can see a clear pattern now and I can focus my energies ONLY on packing. I know what my next steps need to be in order to accomplish my goal, and I know my state of mind.

I’m just lucky I have somewhere to go – thank you dear sister of mine. So I guess it’s back to Dodge for this cat, back to the Homestead; least for a couple of weeks up to a month. Not what I had planned. What’s that quote, something like “man (woman in this case) plans and God laughs”…that sounds about right?