In the four years, I have spent here, I have come to recognize that there is more to this lake than meets the eye. For instance, the depth is deceiving, as in one area it goes as far as 150 feet. In those environs swim Large-mouth Bass of advanced age and other secrets I’m sure.

It is here on Mothers Day in 2011 that I found my first of four four-leaf clovers. In between the first two of the 4-leaf clovers we found out about Tim’s cancer.

The 11th Possibility is the idea that, regardless of data to the contrary, something unexpected and outside the realm of ordinary thought is always potentially around the corner. [Rarasaur’s Prompt for the Promptless – Ep.2]

The last 4-leaf clover I found was on Tim’s Dad’s birthday, just this last year in August. His Dad at the time said that some are gifted, he’s been told, at seeing 4-leaf clovers. He had an Uncle who saw them. They are like so many magical things, invisible till you point them out.

However, by August of last year, I thought those stupid 4-leaf clovers were decidedly unlucky – we had just discovered in late July that Tim’s cancer was back and he didn’t have long.

Weeks before Tim died we had two double rainbows. One of my pictures even made it on the TV London News. It was in those final weeks that I came to understand that not all luck is your heart’s desire. They showed me that even in my darkest hours we are never completely alone. Call it God, the divine, call it the Great Spirit, him or her … it is all the same to me. It just is.

I’m looking over a four-leaf clover
That I overlooked before.
One leaf is sunshine, the second is rain,
Third is the roses that grow in the lane.
No need explaining, the one remaining
Is somebody I adore.
I’m looking over a four-leaf clover
That I overlooked before.
[Words by Mort Dixon, music by Harry Woods
Written in 1927 – popularized in 1948 by Art Mooney]
[Listen to “I’m Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover” played by various artists on YouTube ]

Perhaps it is only when we open ourselves to those possibilities that they become possible to see. I have by no means had what I would define as a lucky couple years, but I know it could have been worse, much much worse. Tim was lucky to have the time that he was given. Many with Pancreatic Cancer as advanced as his die within 3-6 months of diagnosis. And what a gift to spend your final days in the place you love the most. We have to appreciate these gifts we are given. Even when they are not what you hoped for, they are freely given and none the less significant.

I know what that thing is now, that 11th Possibility. It is the baby raccoons poking their wee noses out at us from their hollowed Maple home as the sun was setting that day. It was the rare Green Snake I saw just this last summer…which had me so furmoolexed I didn’t take a picture. It is that wonderful July 1st weekend when the 6 Australians rented next door and we all stayed up by the campfire and sang. It is my FluffyB showing up at our door January 1st 2010. As I take a final walk down these memories, I think it was a miracle I ever got to be here at all.

Me, the Lake & Campfire

Sept 19 2012

Sept 24 2012

Irish & I

Racoons

In an Old Maple

Valentines 2013

Me and my L.L. Bean Jacket

The Lake

It was the beautiful knowledge that the Male Cardinal is the one who feeds his young, and the trust he had for us that allowed me to video it. Things can be so simple in their own complexity. These four years have taught me a different way to see the world. They have provided me with a wealth of memories and lessons learned along this gravel road. It has been a bumpy ride for sure. These are things I can take with me, and they cost nothing to move.