Daily Prompt: Exhale

Not so long ago I was beginning to wonder if this day would ever come – it seemed so elusive. I’d reach for it, but it would be merely an illusion. I dreamed of it, I longed for it, I prayed for it, but still it refused to appear.

As the prompt suggests, its like for these long months I have been waiting to exhale. I’ve been afraid that maybe if I breathed, I would jinx my escape.

Now, here I sit, within the walls of a place I can call my own, typing away on my laptop a post that I can actually submit TODAY. I know, it seems such a small thing, but you see I’ve been disconnected from that vast intertwining entanglement of people, places and things. HALLELLUJAH my lifeline to the world has been restored.

But that’s not what has had me holding my breath these long months, it is but that finally piece, in this vast puzzle that is my life. Tim’s death, then those long, cold, lonely months at the cottage afterwards, I dreamed of this day. Then having to pack my life up and move in with my younger sister – and now, now I am FINALLY arrived. I am finally on my own again. I have things to do and people to see, I have thoughts to write and the solitude for which I so desired for those long 11 months.

WHEW! I’m here, I’ve arrived. I had taken it for granted, and now that I have my independence back, I will never abandon it again. I will not let it waste away at the side of the road, whilst I allow myself to be led astray.

And, in those first weeks here, I almost was led away again. I am thankful now that the powers that be saw fit to drag me back. I want to taste this freedom, I want to savour it, and I now find I no longer feel this need any longer for companionship. I see how wrong I was. I don’t know what has changed, but something has. Over the course of this weekend, after spending last week wallowing in self-pity, I find myself far more appreciative of what I have.

The following photographs are just a sample of what I love about this neighbourhood. In the weeks and months to come, I look forward to sharing more of this place I have finally returned to. I left London almost 15 years ago, thinking that what I desired was to be found elsewhere. I was wrong. What I desire is inside, and I am now blessed to be able to appreciate where I am with new eyes. Back then I thought this city held nothing more than bad memories and broken promises…I was wrong.

I can now breath in the beauty of the trees, the fresh air of change and appreciate this life I have been given. In, out, in out…as my new neighbour always says “any morning you get to wake up is a good morning”.