I sometimes find myself all caught up in this web of how strange we all act sometimes. How mean we are, and how condescending and greedy people can be. It strikes me as very surreal, how much a person can get wrapped up in “stuff”, and forget the essence of what matters.

I mean, really, is your life not complete until you’ve picked up the phone and screamed at someone about $5 or $10? I’m thinking one could find something more useful, but I suppose maybe I’m strange that way. At 8:30PM, if that’s all you have to do with yourself, I think you need to take inventory of your life choices.

I mean, really. What matters? Do peas matter? Can I replace peas? I’m thinking I can. I love raw broccoli, so peas can go.

I’m fine with no peas.

Does winning matter? I mean, it has its definite lessons, yet often I experience more from challenges. Winning only matters, I think, when one has had to WORK for it.

Ok, so … what else matters?

I have to say, I have never encountered  a statement that more deftly defines me. THIS is EXACTLY what I think.

So, in that vein, I want to acknowledge how beautifully strange the world is.

Somewhere over to the right if you are WIDESCREEN, or somewhere to the left below, you will find this randomizer thingy that a fellow blogger shared/created/dreamed-up/designed. I often use it like some sort of blogging oracle … and say….spirits of white light and goodness…what have you got to say?…and I hit “RANDOM“. {haha…tricked ya… that actually takes you to the one of whom I refer}

This fellow blogger has been as inspiring as she exhausts me in the sheer ENERGY and VITALITY she brings to everything she does. She truly is a member of the genuine ones; part of that rare clan of old souls and fresh breezes. Her blog is one of the first I followed, and I’ve seen her grow, and grow, and grow… and I have been in awe. I would imagine in life we are as opposite as night to day, yet her stuff always resonates with me.

I love random things

Such as tonight. And what I learned during this session du Jour of the randomizing of life, is that it is often those who have known you for years, in some ways, seem to know you the least. Than of course comes along that random aspect of life that often reveals truths – and you are struck by how strange it seems that life can be so random. I guess that is why meeting new people is beneficial, these once upon strangers help you see yourself – which I also had honed fine tonight.

Now back to my point. What was my point? Right now I feel like what I’m doing is beneficial, but only to me. Whether it is writing, or walking, or reading, I feel compelled now to just do whatever I need to do, in order to move forward. Go with the flow, don’t impede the journey any longer, just take the current were ever it needs to go. If I go over a falls, hit rapids, swirl under within some eddy, eventually I will make it to the Ocean.

As I was standing waiting for my dinner to cook in the microwave at work, a co-worker I trained with for this new position came up to me and says “Are you alright“? I wonder how I looked? Lost in thought maybe. I told her I was tired. I am, but I’m just in this very zen type head space too.

I remember shaking my head when people would ask me that back when Tim was sick. They all meant well, but why did they only ever ask that just as they were leaving? I recall thinking that was rather amusing. Evident of whether they REALLY wanted to know the answer to that or not.

Yet, I’m not lying though when I say I am, cause I am. Mostly. Over all that shite. Not entirely up to snuff, still, I’m good to go. I’m ready to be free, ready to experience that which I enjoy, and just wallow in either fens or fields of dreams.

I have never really had any preconceived notions concerning how my life was supposed to go. I can not say I’m necessarily disappointed, well… frankly I’ve never had a clear vision of myself, so how can I have a preconceived idea of how my life will be? Oh, sure, back when I was married I had this fantasy of R and I as an old couple sitting on some far far away porch in the future together. Maybe the smashing of that final fantasy is what ultimately trashed any sweet naïve notions I may have retained. Good riddance too I say.

There are so many people around me though that are clearly not ok. I can see it. I hear it in their angry rants against this injustice or that; angry and graceless customers spewing the vulgarness through the phone at me, and various wide open gaping wounded spirits all living as if they are already dead.

If there is ANYTHING I aspire to, it is to steer clear of drowning in that well of negativity. Which of course is why one should always be watching where one is going (txt’rs take note). Not all manholes have covers, believe you me.

Lifting Each Other Up

I see all around me these wounded souls that seem to be crying for something, in these quiet voices. Crying out not to just to be heard, but to be listened to, to be accepted, and to once in a while be reminded that the world can be a beautiful place.

Ssshh, there there, I know it all sucks. I say in my mind. Yet, it really doesn’t suck, if you just know where to look. If you try to not let the cranky side of life get to you, and learn how to shake off that maw of negativity, it is a lot easier to see the beauty that exists.

Before you know it, you’re in a better place, and you are able to pick up the precious things life has to offer and learn how to cherish them, and keep those bits and pieces close by in your gunny sac. I find there are just these brushes with beauty, little moments of observing strangers being kind to one another, helping them up, being sincere and honest, like sometimes just saying thank you and MEANING it.