I want, I want, I want seems to be the mantra of this modern life, and I’m just as greedy for that as anyone else. Most of the things I want though are not actually tangible things. The reality is that some of what I REALLY want may not even be what I want at all, but rather what I believe I should have.

So Mom, I’ve decided I’m going to chisel away, and form out of this life of mine that which gives ME peace and pleasure.

Happiness for me right now is tangible, like the smell of spring in the air on a mild late winter day. It’s there, and it can be called up, and dolled up, and shorn of all the billy-bobs of stuff I THINK I desire.

Pleasure, as experience has taught, can be purloined from the smallest of bubbles of fineness, and expanded, and inflated, and stretched out over days, even months, and in time we have constructed our mountains from mole-hills.

A walk in the woods, a visit with friends, or merely the joy at coming home at the end of a long day and I am greeted at the door by that blond fluffy bombshell of a pooch.

Probably sort of a family tradition Mom I suppose, to not go in for useless resolutions. We were all raised in too practical a manner to be fussing about nonsense like physique or money, so it goes against the grain for me to even suggest such a thing, as a resolution.

Perhaps instead its more of a revolution? Revolution as defined by the Oxford Dictionary –

REV|LU|TION

A dramatic and wide-reaching change in conditions, attitudes, or operation.

The last few days, perhaps even a week, I’ve had this breath rise up inside me, like a vapour of something lost within my soul that wants to escape, be known and felt. Once it reaches a certain point, it has the power to bring tears to my eyes, as if I’ve just cut into an onion – and then it slips away. I’ve tried to grasp onto it, to keep it near, but like an elusive lost love, it is gone like a mist.

I know from experience that once you do manage to capture it, one can enfold it within, and carry it with you through those dark nights of the soul.

I know that feeling that rises up inside me is joy, yet it frightens me sometimes. It makes me anxious, as joy is a rich commodity, and it’s presence is often fleeting.

It is not easy to hold, and it has the potential to backfire, as there is an art to happiness.

When life becomes too complicated and we feel overwhelmed, it’s often useful just to stand back and remind ourselves of our overall purpose, our overall goal. When faced with a feeling of stagnation and confusion, it may be helpful to take an hour, an afternoon, or even several days to simply reflect on what it is that will truly bring us happiness, and then reset our priorities on the basis of that. This can put our life back in proper context, allow a fresh perspective, and enable us to see which direction to take.
― Dalai Lama XIV, The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living

Like many things, I act and fail, practice and succeed, act and fail again. Repeat. So, I guess really you can’t call this a resolution at all, more a resolve. I am striving for joy in more aspects of my life, and thus seeking happiness is my revolution.

Always,

Paula