So, back and forth, back and forth, texting that guy from the dating site all this week. Met up 3 times since Monday, and actually last night went out to dinner here in the village. We stayed around for the band, and caught the first few songs, and booked it back here for tea and talk.

Talked about everything under the sun till 1AM, then he went home.

In person he is a 6 foot 2, brown-eyed, grey haired gentlemen. With a certain swagger, and an honest smile he shows, as he relates to me the musicians he loves, and why. Honed from decades of experience, and global travels, he wears experience well.

This morn more though, back and forth, back and forth, ALL of it this drivel of I WANT YOU, WANT TO…yadda yadda yadda…like two different people. In person he’s nice and sweet, intelligent, interesting, but when he’s texting? Whoa, totally different guy – he’s all in your face with this sex talk. WTF?

So, um, yeah, no more dating sites for this kitty cat. Not like I haven’t used a dating site before, cause I have. Went on about a handful of dates with guys I met years ago via one, and each and every one a complete failure. Not getting on that particular pony again, too much work.

I believe the two of us came to a mutual understanding that we just wanted different things.

Apparently he wants to fuck like bunnies. Ok, nothing wrong with that, however.

Yes, well, now I’m no prude, but really now, can we not move along please to something else? Does each and every textual word he types HAVE to be sexual? Does he have no other persona? So I wished him well, and I was very gracious this morning, but as I sat here I was at a loss, and I had to hold back texting him the shite I wanted to txt back at him, once I realized which gear he was stuck in.

I’m proud of myself for how I handled the whole thing. I tried to be very up front from day one, and in the end I see that in fact we clearly have different ideas about relationships, and obviously want different things from one.

Poor guy will no doubt be back on the site tonight, messaging away to various prospective fuck bunnies, and I wish him well. I myself will not be returning to the “scene”. I do believe I have had enough.

You know, I really don’t understand men. If there is one take away from the last couple months, it is this – I am perplexed by some of them, and can’t begin to imagine what happiness they derive from their meager existence.

Whether they be bar room dancing alcoholics, or a super dude giving CPR to an old lady, they live these lives of quiet desperation, both in their own way hunting for some thing they won’t find in the places they are looking.

I wanted to tell them both, but I couldn’t be bothered. Since really, what on earth do I know? Cause gosh darn it, I DO NOT get men.

I do not know what on earth they want. I question if they even know? Probably not.

In all honesty, I think in truth we often walk right past some great people, just because we are so focused on our own desires, our own wants and needs.

Which in fact is not a bad thing at all really. However, sometimes we are so focused on those wants and needs we forget about what it is, underneath it all, that we really desire, and that is our own happiness. OR, we waste our time on people when they have been quite clear about their intentions, and we have blindly thought we knew better than they about what was best for them, however, we were in fact wrong.

Well Mom, that’s my news from the front. I’m not quite giving up on men, but I’m backing up a bit I suppose. I do want someone, but I’m picky. I did kind of like this guy, in person only though. Since so much of our lives is textual, I just can not abide by some constant passion prince in my face 24/7 about licking and kissing and blah, blah, blah. Not happenin’. Whether or not they appear to be a perfect gentlemen in person or not, when the gloves are off will he still be all sunshine? Probably not. He was too pushy.

So, as I’ve said before, when they show you who they really are, believe them.

Also I really am not in the mood to be judged in such a way as he seemed so focus on. These serial dating site guys have this criteria they’ve carved into their head, and it’s almost like they WANT you to fail the tests they’ve set for you, since in truth they are really only trying to replace this OTHER person, that is clearly not you, and never will be you.

I kept telling him to take his time, that I wasn’t going anywhere, I’m in no rush, and what will be will be, lets enjoy the ride, get to know one another, take our time and not jump head first without first warming up to each other. Which in person he was fabulous at, but once out of eyesight he was all Jekyll, and I have to wonder where did that sweet gentlemen hide?

I’m gently trying to tell this guy the last couple days that he is talking himself out of ANY possibility of having anything at all of me, period full stop. However, he’s all caught up in again reiterating what his needs were, citing the particulars he noted in his profile, and that he desires a woman who will be just as horn-dog as him, and I’m like, rrriiiighhhttt…not getting it are you dear.

Bye bye.

I’ve learned the hard way that if you increase the heat too soon you run the risk of the whole thing just cracking and going bust.

As maybe it should some times, so be it. Yet if you really want something, if you want to make sure you get it right, you take your time.

Anyways Mom, I’m not particularly bored or desperate, and I don’t need anyone at the moment. Oh sure, I perhaps have some voids to be filled, but they don’t have to be filled right now. At the very least I can say this experience served to remind me that men can be rather annoying, needy little bastards.

So, on further consideration, perhaps I do not need one of my own at the present time.

I can visit them, hang out in pubs and chat with them, but they’re not coming home with me. Uh, nope.

Always,

Paula