Who Am I?

I have this strong desire now to be something more. I guess we all do, within some part of ourselves we ask, “is this it?”

This blog is a meandering journey through my life, past and present. Many of my stories are of how when life knocks us flat on our caboose, and we are lost and can’t see a way out – then we do, and what then?

Like finally finding the proverbial end of the world, but we discover there is another side. On the other side we can see these other people, they are doing what it is you want to be doing (whatever that may be).

Ah, Temenos – that sacred place within ourselves, that grove of trees where happiness rests contented in the arms of hope, reason and peace. I seek that.

To look within ourselves, than learn how we may apply that knowledge and use it, somehow; in this world which often seems so empty of reason.

I’m at the edge, I’m tip-toeing along the precipice of this new place. Inside me I feel like I have this piece of Tim, my dead lover. I have his strength, his devil-may-care attitude and a confidence, perhaps. Funny that within me it feels so much different from observing it in him. You learn from these people, these loves, those brief intangible times are almost sacred to me now. I feel now almost like I was serving GOD the last four years of my life. I came to understand this role only when we learned that Tim had Cancer. A caregiver is serving someone else. Your needs, your desires, are less important than theirs. I sacrificed alot for Tim. I don’t regret any of it. Not one moment. Even the worst I now feel served another purpose.

So I have come to see this online journal just as much about telling stories and images, as it is also about this other thing now that has re-defined me. I am more now, and I wanted this blog to reflect that MOREness.

I guess I am not just one thing. I want to tell stories about this rambling path towards wherever it is exactly I’m going. The destination at the moment is hazy. Maybe the destination isn’t so important anymore. Maybe happiness is about the ride.

So sit back, get comfy and if you enjoy long-winded sojourns into philosophy, history, reason, the nature of God, happiness, peace, hope, family and the divine? This is the place for you. ;)

PaulaB

33 thoughts on “Who Am I?”

  2. Hi Paula,
    You write beautifully and I am glad to have found your site.

    Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year! :)

    Thank you for sharing your light and do take good care, too♥

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  5. Great visit, I look forward to following your blog when I find time. Thanks for visiting SpeakListenPrayDon’tBeStupid. Your story, of you … at least what I read is a powerful redemptive and empowering story. Peace to you, and have a good Christmas. T

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    1. Thank you, and thanx for dropping by. You make it sound more lofty that it really is… this is just the place I pour out my soul, and try to make some sense of it all in the process.

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  6. I know how you feel. I often want to be more, or simply feel like there is more. I’m beginning to understand the Nature of Self, though i’m quickly realizing that even if I do “figure it out” there will be no forum, no blog, no words to really describe it. For now I will be contented with wondering, sharing and reading my thoughts and the thoughts of others. This is a great blog, I’m glad to have found you.

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    1. Thankyou. SOrry I’ve taken so long to reply. Lots on the plate I guess of late. thank you for stopping by, and I promise to try harder in replying…I’ll try ;-)

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    1. I don’t have as much time as I would like … but I enjoy this opportunity to read others words, thoughts, questions, answers etc…and thank you.

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  8. Thank you PaulaB for following our blog. I feel very honoured. I’ve been blog-hopping all over your blog, and I see you are an honest thoughtful soul, and that many of your ‘likes’ come from bloggers I am familiar with. I hope you enjoy the stories of our journeys – both inner and outer.
    Alison

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  12. You’re definitely not the only one! This search for MORE is probably the reason I like your blog so much – it’s real and it’s honest and even though we lead very different lifes, I can connect to what you’re writing and thinking about!:)

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    1. Thank you Julia. It’s all so new this place I’m in. I’ve been in a spot like this before…but not so profoundly “without” so much b4. I still though am amazed that people read this blog…but I appreciate each and everyone.

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