Circle Dance

Merry Maudlin Monday w/Lana Del Rey

Haunted, beautiful, sad and the subject is hard not for me to connect with, I could create a soundtrack for this weekend, but quite frankly at the present I couldn’t name one artist I retained, other than Lana Del Rey.

Lana Del Rey’s Summertime Sadness was the theme song of this weekend. My Lil’Sis discovered it on Friday night. The girls had friends over…so it was all 9 & 11 year old mayhem. The night was alive with only the sort of energy young people can create. With Lil’Sis rapacious nature there to sauce it up, we ended the evening up dancing all through the kitchen to music that, frankly, I can’t stand; at least for long periods of time. I kept my mouth shut though because I really enjoyed watching them all. Oh, I got up too a couple of times, but I was a little out of sync. But Lil’Sis just carried on trailing 5 little girls behind her, round and round the new family dining table; the old ancient dining room table had been moved to the Great Room – that table’s provenance in this house goes back to the beginning, 100 years back. The new one was actually one Lil’Sis had bought from a friend when they moved west last year.

Circle Dance
So she was dancing round like the wise woman she really is. Round and round she spun the pack of little girls, driving all their beautiful energy into the very wood of that table, and up it flowed and through the very floor boards it roamed through the house. It was created out of the power born of siblings, love, depth and reason. It’s power came from blood and family bonds that have the power to heal your wounds. The energy spoke of truth and it sizzled and was brighter than 100,000 candles burning at once.

But there was one thing that happened too this weekend; one little girls heart was broken again, the very next evening; her oldest daughters best friend allowed her other friends to tease and bully her, and this so-called friend went along. It broke my heart. I had one of those awful friends. Those friends who break everything inside you with their selfish desire to be popular; even at your expensive. When you would give your very life for them, because you love them and they would put you aside for yesterday’s garbage.

She is sweet, kind and so very innocent; so much more so than those other little girls. She is not where they are and they see that, and they jump on it like a pack of hungry cats. It stings. My sister asked me to say something to her, encourage her, help her. I told her I don’t know if I can; I can show her though. I can help her Mom maybe be the example of a strong, beautiful woman who her girls can look up to. I can help, I am who I am and the time will come when Aunt Paula will say something more to her, but it is not time for words alone, it is a time for action.

I don’t know that this little friend of her’s is like my old friend. I’ve told her already with tears running down my face that I had once been where she is, and I told her to take that person you are when your playing hockey and be her inside everyday. Be true, be you, be the creative spirit you are and don’t let others tell you who YOU are. You be who YOU are and don’t allow other people to define you. I walked away and hoped to GOD she didn’t think I was “crazy” Aunt Paula. I don’t think she did ;-), but man that crap brings back memories. I wanted her to know that it’s not easy, but that as long as you ARE real it doesn’t matter that you don’t fit some skinny waif’s mentality. YOU are more than how someone else defines you; and anyways, what do they know?

Woman’s relationships, why are so many about competition and one-upmanship? Not my Lil’Sis though, and not me, and not HER good friends. GOD no.

I see now how this song fits in, once I’d read what it was really about. Somehow this weekend was about losing things you loved.

“It’s about not being able to live without the one you love, friend or lover it doesn’t matter, that’s whatever you want it to be.” Wikipedia

I think too maybe I would add lost ideas, lost precious notions, lost innocence, lost values maybe even youth. There are many things we can all mourn with passion and longing.

6 thoughts on “Merry Maudlin Monday w/Lana Del Rey

  1. You might not realize it, but this was one of your most beautiful posts that I’ve read. You captured the magic of your sister dancing around with all the little girls and the song went perfectly with your mood that was pensive, wistful, and melancholy, yet hopeful. I can’t describe it right… I’m sorry the girl had to tolerate someone trying to make themselves feel better at her expense. It seems that mean girls have been trying to break the spirits of the kind and sweet for eternity. I’ll bet she didn’t think you were crazy Aunt Paula, but someone that truly connected with her.


  2. I’m sure your niece will remember this talk for years to come. I can’t think of a better thing to tell a young girl. Great job, Paula. {{{hugs}}} Kozo


  3. Girls can be nasty…. women can be nasty…. and men can be nasty too… all in their own way. We seem to have a need to feel superior… we all have an ego that needs to be recognized and tamed. Even by recognizing the nastiness in our so-called friends we can feel superior. Interesting quandry.


    1. Yes, exactly. That’s the feeling I had this weekend, is that there are no easy answers – I can’t just help her build confidence. While I do the same thing ;-)


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