Madonna, Lawrence And I

GOD knows me and idleness are not amicable while at work. Idleness is for days off, holidays and hospital beds. See, those Calvert’s indoctrinated me as well Mom.

I admit, it has taken some time, but I am aware that this work ethic that runs through me veins does in fact stem from them. I don’t have a heaping load of it, but I see that it balances with my more carefree tea towel in the wind nature.

Sunday’s in a Call Centre, where hours drag into epochs, and while some can entertain themselves with whatever drivel is being beamed at them through the rectangular boob-tubes that rest upon each wall, I am not entertained. As well, due to compliance issues with the ultimate contract for whom we answer calls for, we may not have any paper on the floor, no cellphones – therefore no books, no games, no puzzles, no nothing accept either staring at one screen, or another.

So this was the first Sunday of my new shift… DONE. I have Saturday off, work Sunday, Monday off. So here I sit Monday morn upon the stoop, reminiscing over how delightful yesterday was. Not. However, I refuse to allow Sunday to wreck my Monday. As I haven’t worked a lot of Sundays to be sure, but it has been forever since I’ve had a Monday OFF…and that is delicious. They can’t take that away from me.

This whole working Sunday thang is not going away anytime soon, so I am grasping at straws in order to construct some way to turn this schedule to my advantage; you know, make a positive from what was thought a negative. It has been my experience that life is conservative with divvying out what tis wanted, but what is needed is all a matter of perspective.

In turn, I’ve learned that wants are things to work for, as they are what life is actually about.

Just to put a little perspective on this, the sum total of my issue with Sundays, in fact, is but one hour. The hours between 9AM and 10AM – I can’t work them because I can’t get there on time – the earliest bus arrives HERE at 8:55AM, and it takes 40 minutes for me to get to work.

That is you know Mom what that whole breakdown last Monday was about. One fucking hour. I asked about getting an hour of VTO [voluntary time off] – nope – new rules prevent that. So, now I am beholden to every single fucking week finding someone to trade with, or get rid of it somehow. Ah, no, fuck you asswipes. How annoying is that?

Grrrrr….all this rife and strife, anger and frustration over but ONE stupid hour. For this week I can not be bothered with it, so payday falls this Friday and I’ve decided I’ll splurge with a taxi to work next Sunday. Fuck it. Makes me happier anyway, and it’s just easier to let things be. Fuck it.

The ‘F’ word, btw, was in fact the very cuss word I was sited for uttering upon the floor, thus I feel it is therapeutic to pepper this ‘fucker’ with ‘fuck’… I’ve always found it to be a rather satisfying word to say. That strong F is so delicious as one spits it forth from your lips, and sometimes that can be almost as satisfying as the real thing. It has that same physical response as a spit…like your RELEASING something from within yourself.

Anyway, it stresses me to bother about Sunday fucken Sunday, so I’m releasing its power over me. Stress gives me hot flashes, which pisses me off, which leads to my ire being raised, which leads to spectacles of PaulaB I prefer not to expose at work. Makes me feel like I’m flying around the room on a jet-powered skateboard, and me and those sorts of things only lead to broken bones, and fractured spirits.

great-great-gram-and-iAnd you know me Mom better than anyone, and you know damn well this recent incident was all about the injustice of it. And, yes you know that little girl who lies within me quite well. You’ve seen me in full sail, with my dander up and fit to be tied with the unjust way humans treat one another. I know, I know, that is the way it is sometimes, but this world still gets to me. Damn it all. {stamps foot}

That is just the nature of a Call Centre, as I well should know. In truth, they are but the heartless tools of some larger corporate entity, for which they are often enslaved.

Beginning with the onslaught of the industrial revolution, a daisy chain of enslavement has unfolded, and as more individuals are absorbed into the borg-like, honeycomb of corporate greed that feeds on the fleshy heart of good customer service, each of us dies alittle more.

I am a dinosaur of a by-gone era you know Mom, and I blame YOU for that.

Which is exactly why I gotta get me bum out of that place, or atleast for now find a way to make it work. Either or.

Empowerment, that’s the ticket. So I’ve come across some interesting symbols of late, and so I’m trying to find my inner Leo. The Full Moon this last February 3rd (day after the breakdown), was in the astrology sign LEO. Me being a Leo, I am intrigued by what meaning I can glean from recent astrological events.

“The Moon is coupled with Jupiter in Leo. They are opposing the Sun in Aquarius. Uranus is the modern ruler of Aquarius. He is in a positive position with both lights (the Sun and the Moon.)
***
“There is more good news here. Jupiter and Uranus are in a fantastic formation with each other. This positive energy is magnified at the Full Moon. This could be one of the best Full Moons of the year.
***
“Jupiter is king of the gods. He is the largest planet in our solar system. Jupiter expands whatever he touches. He makes you feel good. This is an excellent Full Moon to be creative. You can expand your business. Your work may improve. Your creativity can grow.”
***
Full Moon in LEO – from MYSTIC MAMMA: More INTERPRETIONs of the Moon in Leo:
Grandmother Moon expands in her fullness in the sign of Leo on February 3rd 2015. This Leo energy coming in is summoning us to step into our own fullness through sharing our hearts with courage while allowing our unique light to be seen. It’s a call to cast away the voices of judgement that limit and suppress, so we can allow the love and truth from our hearts to flow through“.
***
“It’s a call, a wish, a dream, a desire. Leo is the sign of self-expression, creativity, children. Leo loves to be seen and with the Moon conjunct Jupiter, it would be hard to miss this show.”

And I love this bit…this is something I needed to read

“The best part of Leo is the inner child. You are to nourish and protect your childlike innocence. You are to be open to new ideas and fresh perspectives.
***
“Be curious about life. Be engaged in the magic of the moment. Be in your heart.”

Mom, my heart has been broken so many times, and I know it will be broken many more, and I guess something has snapped inside me and I can’t hold back those broken shards any longer. I’ve held back those parts of me that seemed strange, or misunderstood. I realize now though that by holding so much back, I’ve held back all the other stuff that lays within, and closed my heart.

So I’m embarking on a voyage, or maybe just adjusting course, to find for once a connection to those two other Leo’s that share my birthdate – those unlikely two – Madonna and T.E. Lawrence (aka.Lawrence of Arabia). To me two most unlikely characters to share a birthdate with.

I stumbled upon my affiliation to Lawrence a couple years ago when I read the first biography of him. Madonna I’d known of since the 90’s.

Both such dynamic and controversial characters of their time, pounding away on a drum of their own design, forging ahead through uncharted territory, and in their wake unknowingly leaving their mark for generations to come. With what I know of Lawrence and Madonna, they both have gone where no one had dared go before. They both have followed their hearts, and done things that the elite have sneered upon, then have risen up above those peon’s who lacked the foresight to see the genius behind their actions.

I’m not there … atleast not as of yet 😉

Always,
paulab3-001

Advertisements

Comments, Critiques, or Otherwise

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s