Pols O’lightenup

Ok, in the interest of me loosening up a bit and not being so cerebral, I last night forced myself to watch 3 programs in a row on SEX. THREE, in a row. I was engaged, one could say, or at the least distracted.

The first one, of course, was about this long scroll found in Egypt from the 17th or 18th Dynasty. It’s probably more than 3500 years old or more, and contains 12 very graphic and sexual images, with the dialogue between the characters written throughout in hieroglyphics. Lets just say they were a rather randy & kinky lot.

The program went on to document a whole host of other sexual depictions found throughout Egypt that have been hidden from public view. Like WOW, I had no idea. The Egyptians really got their jollies on, and tomb walls are actually full of gods having sex. Basically because Egyptians were no prudes, and they recognized that sex is a necessity of birth, and re-birth is only bequeathed by a god.

But lets be clear. They were not JUST having sex. One image was of this half-naked girl on a chariot, with some older man doing her from the back. The Egyptians actually had a hieroglyph that, yup, was in the shape of a penis and balls. Lot kinkier than I gave them credit for.

So, on to the next frolic I went. Now this doc was about famous people throughout history who used sex as a form of acquiring power, and prestige. Some successfully, others not so much. Thing was called “Sex Rebels”.

For instance, the Roman Emperor Claudius’ wife, Empress Valeria, whilst he was away on some campaign, liked to tramp around Rome as a street prostitute. Even challenged once some hooker, that was known for her endurance, to see which of them could do more men. The challenged lass I guess could only do 14, but the Empress breezed past her, fucking a total of 25. Today she’d be in counselling. Ol’Claudius I guess really didn’t care so much (figured I suppose that it kept her busy), until he found out she was plotting to kill him. When she refused to kill herself (therefore keeping her honour, or what little she had left), he had one of his guards take care of it for her.

My fav is Catherine the Great though (Czarina of Russia). She set her lover up as the King of Poland, than like some dominatrix proceeds to invade the country the next year. She was said to have had atleast 300 lovers, and partook of their pleasures openly, refusing to hide them away from court scrutiny. She used them to acquire land, and for the power she could weald through them. Smart lass that one.

And on to the next. As the next program said…”men may hate her, BUT a lot of women admire her”.

So, there are these girls in Britain, known as RINSERS. The doc was called ‘Sex, Lies, and Rinsing Guys’. Lovely, eh?

They rinse guys for expensive gifts & money, and all they get in return is the pleasure of their divine company. Yes, there are plenty of guys out there that would fork out a few quid to stare into the eyes of a beautiful girl for 45 minutes. Even hand over jewelry, and well, pretty much anything she asks for. But no sex. Each girl on the program made that perfectly clear. They each had no interest in a relationship, all they wanted was cold, hard cash, and expensive things to dangle off their ears and wrists.

Most of them still have other jobs – not like normal jobs though, such as stilt walker for some strip club, one was a student studying Forensic Psychology (of all things), but they all did odd things…and most of their schemes were run through some social media platform – like twitter.

So I spent my whole ride to work of course fantasizing about what I would sell online. Em. Or, who would I need to be? See, that’s the stumble. Me hate that shite. BUT, I thought, what if I acted a part? Em. But still, can you imagine? Pols O’lightenup, like some modern Holly Golightly from Breakfast At Tiffany’s. An online party girl, with big pouty lips for the camera, all so I can sell the shit they give me online for a profit.

Can you imagine the karma I’d mess with? And anyhow, I don’t imagine there are that many out there hatching daydreams of some chick pushing 50, having hot flashes, and as bitchy sometimes as all get out. However, on the flip side, I could have as my tagline… I GIVE ZERO FUCKS. ;-)

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