Just For Me

Walked across the parking lot to catch my bus. Or rather wait for 20 minutes for my bus (as it turned out).

Wondering if I had enough time to maybe go across to the LCBO and pick up a couple of bottles of that Hobgoblin beer I love. And then I changed my mind and decided I didn’t have enough time. You know how I suck at math.

Finally on the bus, and I’m on my way home from a short day at work. Worked a nice little 9-2. The sun was out, as it had been absent the last couple days. Your voice in my head you know Mom, saying “Wine before beer, never fear”.

But I digress.

Instead, I decided to just pop into the Loblaws and grab a nice white wine.

Lexi, Jinx & Mom

Lexi, Jinx, Mom, and Sultan (the cat who looks so pleased about having his picture taken).

Last time was with Lex. I don’t drink wine alone; as a rule. I have lots of reasons. Though I believe the primary one is that I can be rather a bitch.

So, I stood waiting, waiting, waiting for the bus; not a magnum. Dear god, I’m not daft.

I’m on the bus, just staring out the window you know, watching everything go by.

I’d been playing solitaire on my phone, but I always put it away when I hit Commissioners there at Wharncliffe. Not that I’m really worried about missing my stop, heck, I could be half asleep now and know when I have to get off.

Today though was different.

Maybe it was the sun that had me thinking of buying a nice red geranium like I usually do. It’s Mother’s Day next Sunday, the 8th.

But I managed to keep one over you know this winter. It’s in that little window in the kitchen, and it’s doing well.

Genevieve, Mom and I

Genevieve, Mom, and I

Maybe it was that.

So I’m on the bus, we pass baseline, and there I am, staring out the window, and I think of you.

I think of how I’d like to tell everyone who has a Mom living, to give her a hug, just for me.

Even if you hate her right now.

Buy her whatever flower makes her smile.

Sit down, share a glass of something you both love to drink.

Talk about stuff you can only say to her, even if she doesn’t want to hear it.

And tell her you love her.

MOMBut that is so arrogant to presuppose my own stuff on someone else. There are lots of folks out there who have difficult relationships with their Mom. Shit happens, eh Mom?

Lots of girls out there, with kinda shitty Moms.

You were always the one that somehow always found those girls, took them under your wing, kissed them on the top of the head, and said…”your fine, your good, she loves you“. Even if you really didn’t know.

So, there I am on that damn bus that takes forever to come, almost at my stop. Damned if I didn’t well up. Thank god, I had my sunglasses on. Shitballs.

Think the woman sitting beside me noticed, as I could see her looking at me; concerned. But I ignored her, and just rang for my stop, got up from my seat, and stood at the door waiting.

And the tear fell.

Love,
PaulaB

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