The Apology

It came so out of the blue. We honestly thought we’d never see any of them again. Or maybe we just wished for that. As if we could wipe away the years Dad spent with her.

We were grieving your death, and vulnerable to that sort of woman that feeds off the weak. Or human, rather, as I’ve attracted my fair share of that sort.

She had us all wrapped within her evil spell, to one degree or another.

Well, except of course for Penny who wasn’t speaking to Dad at that time, due to her dislike of THAT woman.

Penny said you found it all quite amusing, from your vantage point on the otherside of all the messy madness of these shells we inhabit for a time. Perhaps having pre-knowledge of the inevitable outcome of their doomed union helped.

She lied. We all knew it. She knew it. Her friends knew it. Dad was never violent, but she needed something to get her family to help her move her things out. Needed something to justify her about face. How else could she get away with taking all she did? And yes, her friends, those two said NOTHING.

The police were never involved, of course. That would have been too messy.

No, she was done with us, as Dad’s vein of money had run dry; lines of credit are not infinite, after all. Though at the rate she spent, one would think she was ignorant of where the money came from, other than a bank.

I wonder what she thought when he took her home to our big old white Homestead? Probably thought what everyone thought. Guess we fooled her, eh?

Which I guess maybe why you found it all so amusing when she finally took her leave of us. MsPenny’s connection to you has not diminished with your death, and for that we are thankful. Your subtle nudges and such are not lost on her, she hears you. Which is so wonderful.

Anywho, when it comes to THAT WOMAN, I just can’t understand how her family could have thought Dad was violent. Seriously. But how could they know? They didn’t know him, not really. She apparently didn’t either. Or, rather she DID know him and THAT woman just took full advantage of him.

I mean, Dad is no saint, far, far from. And god alone knows, but he is not violent.

Those friends of her’s knew, and their crime was one of omission. And the fact they were a part of her ‘moving crew’. With her sons giant brand new truck, and her daughters Hummer, they got er’done, cleaned us out, and she made off scot-free with whatever she wanted. She was justified…right? That man was violent…had hit their mother.

Yep, cleaned us out.

Walking into that empty house after she left was probably one of the most horrifying experiences, and something I don’t think I will ever shake. And looking back over my shoulder at the faces of those two little girls, and their scared faces, afraid to go past the door frame. The back room was empty, but for that skanky chair she left.

That she did that, not just to us, but to them. Shame on her.

Our Dad is as humble as they come, and she KNEW that. KNEW. Whatever violence he may have harboured was never towards another human, only towards himself. She was such a fool.

So when her friends called, out of the blue, it was a shock.

It was a few years ago now, and we hadn’t seen them since she left, what, 3 years had passed maybe? Give or take.

They had divorced since, but had come together, they said, as they had needed to apologise to us. Apologies for not speaking up, for going along with her lies. Apologies for helping her. Apologize for not saying anything to her daughter. For not correcting their opinion of someone they KNEW was a good man. Knew, and said nothing. They just let it all happen.

I always thought that woman was one of those sorts that grew up believing that love is expressed through passion and violence. That one always follows the other.

But Dad was not like that. Not to you, not to us.

I mean, I tested his resolve not to make me a grease spot on the wall, if you’ll recall.

Tested it a number of times, actually.

But never, ever was I able to push him into violence, and I imagine she had the same results. At 16, it was somewhat frustrating to rage against this man who’s look alone could whither you where you stood. It was all he needed, but rage I did, as did she, but to no avail.

So I think to her that meant he didn’t love her. Maybe she just believes ALL men are the same.

It was a shock to see them again. After they called, we waited. The three of us. I don’t remember what we spoke of, exactly. But we waited.

Strangely, or auspiciously, this call came when I happened to be there. It was that time when I had left Tim, in 2010.

It was strange when their car turned into our driveway. We watched them get out of their cars; since they had come separately.

Dad met them at the door, as though all those years had not passed. As though it had all been just some bad dream. Greeted them like old friends, which must have put them off a little. But they already knew Dad’s character. That is after all, why they said they decided they had to come. Had to come in person and apologise.

Our father would be polite to his executioner.

To see them again standing on our front porch, drinks in hand, was surreal.

It did help. It helped to hear them acknowledge the truth.

Lexi saw her you know. I think she was in some little shop, I think in Grand Bend? Maybe Port Stanley? Can’t recall, but she said the hairs on the back of her neck stood up, and she turned and saw her come into the shop. Lex said her blood ran cold, and she just left.

Jen I believe ended up talking to her, and Lex doesn’t know if she actually saw her or not. I would have done the same thing you know, I would have hidden from her.

Anything I had to say to her would be vile and destructive, and that sort of anger is scary. That sort of feelings one has towards another, someone who took so much, and not the furniture, and not leaving our Homestead empty. It was the intangible things she took.

Couldn’t believe though that after her grand exit that she actually thought Lexi would let her still see the girls. And, you know, Lex almost did. That woman called Lexi days after she had left Dad, and she actually thought nothing should change. She probably believed her own bullshit. That’s the lesson there you know.

Should have seen Tim coming, but alas I was as blind as Dad was.

God, that woman messed with our heads Mom. It took some time to get over all the hatred she had left in her wake.

Time, and an apology from out of the blue; well it did help.

It took great courage too, and I admire them for that. They didn’t have to, but they did.

It helped to put that woman’s crap away, finally. Shelve some of the hatred we felt towards her, the feelings we had towards the whole bunch of them.

I forgive them. Dad forgave them. I think lex did too, but we will never forget.

When I saw that Discover Challange the other day, I was stumped at first about what to write.

Kept thinking, what apology could I write about?

But when I woke up this morning, it struck me. I remembered that phone call. That prompt brought it all back.

So, yes, I do forgive her. She’s gone, after all. Thank blessed god, she’s gone. She is SOMEONE else’s nightmare now. God help them.

But, I will never forget. Forgive? Sure. Forget?

Never.

Love,

PaulaB

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