“I never saw someone say that before…” :)

So here I am, at home, in Tim’s big wicker chair, typing away to you, whilst listening to the Hip concert on CBC radio. Lex invited me out there, bunch getting together to watch the concert, in good ol’Canadian Garage Party style. Yet, I decided nay.

Actually, Mom, I was all set to go. Had gone for a bike ride in the afternoon, and was going to call her by 5 to let her know. I had no particular place in mind to go, and ended up at The Mount. Walked Rose across that steep terraced lawn, towards the Grotto, toward Mary.

Well, and I sat down, and noticed someone had put out new flowers, and the lawn chair was back in the cavey part. With bottles of water sitting on this one shelf, just like last time. I looked around, I looked up, and I stepped back and tried to capture the whole sense of the place, using this cool Toy Camera setting.

And then I sat down on the bench there, the one in front of the praying young girl, and I felt at peace. And I looked down, and just leaning in against the black iron fence I noticed this marker. And the name on the marker was your name. Some strange marker, for something, but what?

the mount 1But it was for me. Right at that moment…it was totally for me.

Your way of saying Happy Birthday? Maybe. I’d like to think so.

It really did turn out to be a wonderful day, and I’m glad I went. And again I got to cycle through those beautiful houses that line that parkway detour. And I didn’t get lost, this time, I’ll have you know. Knew EXACTLY where I was at at all times.

And as I write this, these songs play. These songs that somehow defined so many moments the last couple decades I realize. So many, well, Garage parties, campfires, Hockey Games. So many people right now, watching this, listening. Gathering in public places, to be with strangers, and maybe if you’re lucky, friends.

But that will NOT be me this evening, as I have a mound of dishes in my kitchen and a perfectly working internet radio. Well, and I’m tired of beers. Been drinking one too many lately with Sue, and while I love it, really, having fun is…well…fun. I do not in any way need to be out and about with strangers, or friends, or otherwise.

And something in that little marker, Mom, with your name on it, it said to me stay home. Saturday night or not, day off tomorrow or not, I just had this gut instinct that said, just chill.

And I’m washing the floor. That really needed to be done too.

Well, and the fact I’ve never been a huge hip fan, so it felt a little “hanger-onish. Hey, sure, I have a Best of the Hip collection, I mean, you have to, but otherwise mmphft.

But I am still listening away. Even turned the fans off so I could hear it better.

You know, all week I’ve avoided any posts about this concert tonight. Hadn’t even thought of what I was going to do, given I had a Saturday night off, and a Sunday. So and I forgot, and I pushed it away, and god knows why. Lex invited me over there tonight last week, and at first, I felt compelled, but then when I got up to The Mount, I didn’t feel like going anywhere.

I just shied away from that whole group cry, that grief at the brink of deaths nod when it looks a loved ones way. I’ve shared that. Been there. You can’t just turn grief off like some sort of water faucet, doesn’t work that way. And and you and I both know, god help me, I have had me some cries.

I want to celebrate.

And for me, best served privately, in the comfort of my own home, aurally. Sans any libation.

And maybe, too, so I could ABSORB. Sit back in Tim’s chair, and remember, see, smell, all the things.

And wash the dishes, and wash the floor, and smoke my smokes out on the stoop, and listen to the quiet night here in the Village. Cause don’t you know, Canada’s busy listening in, watching, and in like some ginormous group hug….cry GORDIE GORDIE GORDIE…just because.

Just couldn’t miss that, Mom, couldn’t. Those types of things don’t come around, often. Have to sail on those happy vibes coursing through this warm summer Canadian air.

And when I stepped outside just now? Is the music playing on the radio from the car in the parking lot next door, not the very same as mine? Of course it is.

And it was raining. It was this quiet rain, falling through the Black Walnut leaves.

Love,
PaulaB

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