Yes, I’ve been hiding away, with nothing to say, of late. I sleep, awake (woke as I am), drink my coffee, smoke my cylinders of sin, read the news, tu-whit tu-whoo, more twit than woo, and go on with my day.

And I wait.

These days of anxiety and distance, of masks and washing, washing, washing of hands. Don’t touch your eyes, your nose, your mouth. And, wait for a vax.

And, of the other waiting, for those who’ve followed along the last year, of the mouth you may ask? Well, mine is currently as it’s been since late January – without teeth. Which I am waiting for. Next week pertaps? Well, we shall see. They are still a work in progress, as I await my next appointment with my Denturist next week. I am hopeful my munchers will be mine this week… tomorrow? Will see.

And so, blessed be, I share my wait with a wonderfully outrageous ferocity at odds with her cuteness and delight, this doggo I share my abode. With her great big ears all the better to hear me thankfully.

“Wolves are disciplined not only when they hunt but also when they travel, when they play, and when they eat. Nature doesn’t view discipline as a negative thing. Discipline is DNA. Discipline is survival.”

CESAR MILLAN, CESAR’S WAY: THE NATURAL, EVERYDAY GUIDE TO UNDERSTANDING AND CORRECTING COMMON DOG PROBLEMS

Now, in no particular order, as I’ve nothing else to actually say, these be her works in progress, her successes, along with a few words of wisdom from The Dog Whisperer.

Now, she generally wants nothing to do with anything that stops her, holds her, attaches to her, zips her up into, and thus a leash ritual is greeted by angry chihuahua, snarling lip, biting, the whole ball of fury. This is her, um, challenge. Well, ok, MY challenge. Cause, seriously, I am not at all keen on a snarly little arsehole Chihuahua.

In this year and a half with my little ball of fury, I have learned all the stereotypes of her breed are completely correct. For those experienced with dogs, and those not, a Chihuahua can be a handful.

Since I’ve had her from puppyhood, I have guided her in good doggy manners, instilled some coping mechanisms, strived to give her confidence, to some success.

I’ve surmised that her smallness has been the driving force that had made her at first so anxious and strange around other dogs and people, and so I have seen success in instilling her with confidence in my guidance.

In my years with dogs, one thing I know is that one size does not fit most definitely all when it comes to the making of a well-adjusted doggo. Large or small, Chihuahua or Great Dane, they are not all the same, and we are not the same, each brings to the mix different circumstances, people, places and things that become our individual hurtles.

But, what is the same is all dogs do doggy things, think doggy thoughts, and communicate with us in those ancient doggy ways – tis our challenge to work within that context.

“Another piece of advice is not to make a big deal out of coming and going. If you share excited energy when you come and go, it only feeds an anxious mind.”

CESAR MILLAN, CESAR’S WAY: THE NATURAL, EVERYDAY GUIDE TO UNDERSTANDING AND CORRECTING COMMON DOG PROBLEMS

Currently, my wee vicious mite springs to ferocious life at the smallest of things. Like, going to scratch my own arse and disturb the nestled beasty curled up in the chair beside me. She goes all savage “hua hua” at the affront of me actually touching HER. Ah, yes, my sweet little shrew.

Well, atleast she doesn’t chew.

We’ve had many discussions about this, um, rather dramatic response

And by discussion I mean that I turn to her with ‘I AM YOUR MASTER’ eyes, and calmly say NO! Expelling her from her nestled state, plopping her on the ground, refusing to let her back up. Introducing her to the notion of cause and effect, that violent doggys do not get to nestle up beside me ANYWHERE, at ANY time, EVER.

Sometimes, at an especially vicious infraction of snarlly beitch, I put her on her back, aloft in the air, and stare at her. She does this adorable little squinty thing with her eyes, and tries to look away in shame. I hold firm. Try not to smile.

Adorable and horrible, tis she, at times.

“In choosing a dog to share your life, you have an incredible opportunity to form a powerful bond with a member of another species.”

CESAR MILLAN, CESAR’S WAY: THE NATURAL, EVERYDAY GUIDE TO UNDERSTANDING AND CORRECTING COMMON DOG PROBLEMS

I mean, her presence on my lap, curled up as close as she can possibly get, is one of her prime objectives in life. Strong bonds with their human is a Chihuahua trait.

Pleasing is somewhat a distant second.

Now, about socializing, and practising my I’m in charge here girly ‘tude that Cesar advocates, that has been a bit of a strain in this socially distanced world we have found ourselves in.

Well, the practising of it of course requires actual interaction, to which I avoid, generally.

Ok, always tried to avoid, truth be told, introvert that I am.

One caveat on walks I don’t always find her “stay away from my human” ‘tude to actually be such a bad thing. Alas, I have had to curb my enthusiasm when she goes off all “hua hua” Chihuahua whilst we’re on our walks. But, it tis rare now, as she is much more focused on other sniffs and news of another sort.

Well, that, and we have a sound… a sphst, or a click of the tongue, tug on the leash, and she snaps out of it.

Guess we are copacetic… small and snarlly when touched (well, in ways we find displeasing… which is most ways), but generally a pleasant companion.

As walks have been one of the few times we actually left the house, we went as often as the frigid weather would allow my little one who shivers like a leaf when it’s well below freezing.

“You see, animals don’t follow unstable pack leaders; only humans promote, follow, and praise instability. Only humans have leaders who can lie and get away with it. Around the world, most of the pack leaders we follow today are not stable. Their followers may not know it, but Mother Nature is far too honest to be fooled by angry, frustrated, jealous, competitive, stubborn, or other negative energy—even if it is masked by a politician’s smile. That’s because all animals can evaluate and discern what balanced energy feels like.”

CESAR MILLAN, BE THE PACK LEADER: USE CESAR’S WAY TO TRANSFORM YOUR DOG . . . AND YOUR LIFE

Curbing her bark has been where my success has been strongest. Hallelujah.

The barking actually subsided naturally this last winter, as she matured. She is little over a year and a half, and we can go outside again in my little garden nook, watching the people and their poochies pass, I have found some success at convincing her that brevity is the soul of the bark. I allow for a brief announcement, a hey I’m here who the f are you?… or whatever.

Well, unless a chorus ensues, then all bets are off, and she must join in.

Ah yes, with the doggo outback who she generally ignores, she takes her cue, and as the chorus of doggos treat the quiet village (ahem) to a choir of barks of varying octaves… Rottweiler tenor in the back, inspired by whatever alto of canines have instigated the sing-a-long, and so my little soprano joins in.

“It becomes very obvious, by reading a dog, how stable or unstable his human companion is. Our dogs are our mirrors.”

Cesar Millan, Be the Pack Leader: Use CESAR’S WAY to Transform Your Dog . . . and Your Life

Ok, so I cut her a little slack, you know, she’s singing the song of her, um, pawple.

At some point I will say, in a confident manner, ENOUGH. And she looks at me with those buggy Chihuahua peepers, ears on high pointy alert, and her accompaniment subsides. Eventually.

So, my most difficult challenge is that rotten ragey Chihuahua snarl when ever things don’t go her way, like going on a leash, or putting her in a winter jacket. Therefore, um, haven’t tried cutting her nails in, like, forever. Actually, I lost the clippers and the old ones I have from my old Golden One, Irish, well, they’re just way to big and scary to use on her wee little nails. Well, use on them when she’s like a rabid bat in my lap.

So like us all, s’pose, a work in progress.

And, as is oft the case, I find with my own moody moods, the best remedy for a rotten doggo is always a walk. A time for discipline mixed with play, the smells, as I swell with pride as we stride down the street, her at first dancing and spinning, and then her energy expelled, leash in her teeth, a pure delight tis she… usually.