Had to turn off the news today, again.
Mom, more carnage in an American school, and all the same excuses, thoughts and prayers, as rage rises like bile in my throat. I had to turn away, for mental and emotional health, as I am at a loss, no words express this anguish.
Last week, some racist walked into a grocery store in Buffalo and slaughtered black seniors doing their weekly shop. This week 38 people shot, 19 children and 2 teachers dead, by an 18-year-old in Texas who bought himself a couple semi-automatic weapons and a barrage of bullets for his birthday.
And then this morning I read this.
The gun culture in the U.S. is so entrenched, so mired in NRA money, and fearmongering, and bizarre concepts of gun ownership as a right, rather than a privilege, I don’t know what will actually change. I mean, with this level of carnage happening over and over again, and Republican’s answer is to turn schools into maximum security prisons, with such insane numbness to the abject horror of such barbaric and insane ideas… anyways… they’re all just f’d right up.
The blunt truth is, sitting here north of the 49th there is really nothing I can do, and rage tweeting into the abyss at indifferent American Republican politicians is hollowing.
And, many others are doing it far better.
Well, after doom scrolling for days, Lex and I are both struggling with this rage and sorrow at how messed up America has become.
I mean, they’re on the precipice of overturning Roe vs Wade, basically hogtying women to their womb, you know, pro-life (ahem), whilst turning a blind eye to massive, horrific gun violence, ignoring this domestic terrorism like it’s a bug in their face, just more thoughts and prayer. Just one awful, authoritarian thing after another happening down yonder in the land of my birth.
{sigh} Anywho, my own reprieve, my bliss, my zen, is my plants.
I am so very thankful that I dove headlong into plants, as the winter dragged on last year, and spring seemed to take forever, and I discovered online plant shops. As the pandemic raged, I researched, fiddled, puttered, shopped for more, and so forth.
Last spring, into summer, my collection grew, and grew, becoming my very own indoor jungle.
I dove into research on different types of substrates, types of lighting, then harvesting rainwater and watching YouTuber planty folk, soothed my anxious mind, kept me on track, with a purpose.
So, with all the many things I’ve purchased over the years, mom, of my favourite things, like my dSLR Camera, my bicycle Rose, my wee Hua Hua Pika, the things that bring joy in those darkest hours, after Pika, comes my burgeoning plant collection. I think I have around 66 or so now.
No rarer than rare varieties, to date, as I’ve not the shekels for such extravagances. No fancy genus. No giant Monstera’s (yet).
Oh, but those dark rich greens, neon greens, grey-greens, rose petioles, pink splashes here and there, thriving, beautiful, wistful, charming. Some are grand, others delicate, a few sturdy, and those just starting out, I love them all.
In the morning, sipping my English breakfast tea, going through my planty app that I use to document my collection – their watering, fertilizer, new leaves, problems. It helps to keep track of all that, and I can go back into the archive to see the past watering timeframes, fertilizer frequencies, and adding pics on occasion, to show off this or that.
I re-arrange, as the light coming from my North windows fades as the Black Walnut outside leafs out. I often find myself just gazing at them, admiring the light as it hits their leaves, the shadows they make, as the humidifier washes my collection here in my nook with a cool mist. Tis bliss.
Here, I can fade out, put on some binaural beats and chill, ignoring them all, it all. A healthy distraction from it all.
The news is still there, and the horrors it sometimes brings, are not something I can turn off forever… but for a time, I can putter, and fiddle, and admire, and just zen out in #MyHealingPlace.
OOooooommmmmm.
Love Paula
by PaulaB 