The Prologue

…and so I write…Friday Morn, October 26, 2012

Tim and IIn my journal I’ve recorded our memories, good and bad. I’ve recorded all the trials and smiles. I turn the pages and remember the rough journey of the last year and a half. Pancreatic Cancer is cruel & painful, and it is hard to watch someone you love suffer so.

Yet, this isn’t just going to be about that side though, even though it was so prevalent to our daily lives. I want to share the rainbows too, because we can not live our lives in despair.

As I go through the hundreds of photographs, and look through my journal, and watch the videos we made, I’m reminded of how much we both changed. We’ve gone from two lost souls adrift on the overpopulated banks of Lake Ontario, back to who we really were on the banks of Irish Lake.So I’m going to tell you more about that Tim.A week before Tim passed away one of our good friends Jessica shows up out of the blue on a Monday in the middle of the day with something for Tim. So he becomes all secretive and I’m now a bundle of curiosity.  Well out comes from the covers this ring box. He takes it out and puts it on my middle finger…not my ring finger. It’s a friendship ring. I can’t believe he planned it without me knowing. Plus, as sick as he was he still had the energy and drive to once again surprise me with such sweet & sincere gestures.

It wasn’t the first time he’d done that in recent months. Just 1 month before he had arranged to have us both whisked off to Walters Falls for a 3 day spa getaway.One of our favorite things to do was walks in the woods, and venturing off the beaten path. Him and Irish would be stromping through the underbrush to parts unknown, and I’d just merely try to keep up with them.  After these adventurers we’d always come back with some treasures; usually just old mossy rocks & sculptural sticks. However, everyone found a place amongst the others that line the garden at the cottage. Over the last 3 years Tim & I have gradually restored and added our mark to the beautiful garden Shirley & Glenn created together.  A garden is such a healing space, and over the last year and a half the cottage has been a real blessing.

Some of the best memories we’ve both ever had, happen just this year at the cottage. From impromptu Canada Day sing-a-longs round the campfire on July 1st, to beautiful double rainbows at dawn. We’ve shared drinks with new friends, and memories with family. Just this summer we finally got my sister and her family to come up again for a visit. We had campfires and beautiful sunsets and watched Brooklyn and Megan fish out the boys visiting over at the Newfie Neighbours next door. We made memories that will make us all smile when we think of Tim.

On the Back Road

August 4th 2011

The morning Tim passed away I went over to Jessica’s from the hospital. Jessica met Tim a few years before I did when he was doing handyman jobs for a local Inn, and she was new to town and waitressing. So we sat in her kitchen, and we cried and we laughed and we shared all that we’d miss about Tim.

I guess what I’m saying is I will just miss Tim. Every last bit of him. The good and the bad, the smiles and the trials.

Tim and I had a ritual. Most mornings starting last winter and early spring I would randomly pick an Irish Blessing from a little book I received as a gift a number of years ago.

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
And rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.
~ from Irish Blessings

7 thoughts on “The Prologue

  1. [I moved some things around, and accidentally deleted my first comment. Sorry Linda]

    Linda Mossip commented on — Friday Morn, October 26, 2012

    I work as a Family Service Counsellor at a funeral home in London. I am surprised when people ask me about grieving and the do’s and don’ts…there is no right or wrong. We all need to grieve and there is no time limit on this. My mom died when I was 18 – and 40 years later, I still miss her. I often wonder how different our lives would have been if she had not left us. I visit her at the cemetery and we have talks..I have lost several good friends and as we get older, we lose more. But it is the memories that save us from the darkness. You have posted several pictures of your grandmother – who I adored – and your mom – who I loved like a sister. These pictures make the loss not so real. I have said to some of my families after the funeral or memorial – that I wish I had a wonderful saying or could do something to take away the pain. But I can’t. I wish I could take away your pain. Just keep remembering the good things in life. You have the love and support of your family and friends. And keep writing – you have a gift.

    Like

    • Thank you. The experience was the best of times, as well as the worst of times. I have a hard time accepting the word “gift”…until recently when I realized that gifts are something you share. So that’s what I’m finally doing. Come what may…I’m trying to follow where I’m led, and seek happiness; for myself and others.

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  2. Paula, thank you for stopping and following my blog recently. Thank you for sharing your uplifting journey. I look forward to following it as it continues to wend its way.

    Take care,

    Ivon

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Just wanted to give you a heads up that I nominated you for The Very Inspiring Blogger Award. You can find the rules for accepting the award
    at:
    http://landofquo.com/award-season/very-inspiring-blogger-award/

    I’ll also take this opportunity to apologize for the effort you will have to expend in accepting the award if you choose to do so. It takes a while, but is worth it to the blog community (that’s what they’ve told me, anyway). Regardless, thanks for making the blogworld more inspiring in your own way. Congrats, and thanks!

    quo

    Liked by 1 person

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