Advice From A Drunk Pedestrian

Leave the party while you can still walk. I can’t stress that enough. AND, while you can walk at a sustained pace for approximately 30 minutes (or whatever the length of your journey). Add another, oh, 10, maybe 15 minutes to that timeframe since how long it took you to get there will not be the same amount of time it takes you to get home.

It is also essential to leave while you still no where home is. That really is key. It’s no good being found the next morning asleep on some random front lawn in your hometown. Not kosher at all. Word gets around, pretty soon you’re famously referred to as the “town drunk”. It’s all about appearances in these sleepy, bedroom communities.

You know what they say “if you don’t know who the village idiot is, it’s probably you”.

Do not be delayed in finding someone to tell you are leaving. Just go. Your loved ones will figure it out when they can’t find you. Delaying for any reason at this juncture is crucial to actually still being able to get home, eventually.

Dance a jig down the road. Yes, I mean really now, its probably like 1 or 2AM in the morning, you are on a lonely road alone, who’s going to see you? If they do? Fine, they will think you are either crazy or drunk, but then again probably so are they if they are still up.

Have fun. Life is too short to tarry on the meaning of life and your fears.

Laugh, sing and be merry.


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