With This Ring I Thee…

It’s been this on again, off again, thang, for about two years now. It’s on again, although I’m not exactly sure why, but there ya go

Ok, so I’ve been kvetching with a fellow widow I met through my Earth Angel. We’ve plied the depths, of the men we’ve dated, past and present, and the role we both played in our spouses deaths, as caregivers. And somehow, in synchronized motion, we both again put these rings back onto our finger, and both couldn’t give voice to why.

We were discussing this desire we have sometimes to wear these symbols of our unions, and if that is healthy.

But what should we do with these icons of dead lovers? You feel guilty sometimes for not wearing them, if only on a chain around your neck. Yet, there are times it feels wrong, like while laying in a new lovers arms. It’s not like you can get up at a certain point and say…“excuse me while I remove my ring”.

Of course one could remove it for dates, yet doesn’t that seem dishonest? And what if it develops into something more, how do you put it back on? How do you explain it to them when your not even sure why yourself?

So there we are with these rings, whilst both plying the dating depths.

My approach is if they don’t ask, I’m not telling. Perhaps it all comes down to this reality of this person, who you shared the most profound journey with. This person who at some point became more then lover, more then friend, something that lies beyond either. These rings have a power over us, and maybe sometimes lend us a strength we at that time require. For it is not just in grief that we reach for them.

Suppose Grandma would say I should be impervious to what others may say. I mean, being there, being the caregiver to this man, watching as they slowly, painfully, take there last living breaths, changes you. Sometimes I need a reminder, or maybe sometimes it’s presence makes me feel less lonely, maybe less weakened by the day to day struggles of life. Sometimes, it symbolizes the great blessing it is just to be alive.

I’ve decided that if you are being your authentic self, and you feel the need to wear the ring of your dead lover, so be it. If any man you are going to consider a more long term prospect has a problem with that, then quite frankly that is HIS problem not yours.

And I like it, Tim had good taste, and I admired that about him; it would be a shame not to wear on occasion, when the mood struck, eh? Yeah, I think so.

Well Mom, gotta go and walk Irish, rains stopped and suns shining. Anywho, for now the ring makes me smile, and that is good enough for me.

Paula

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