You are finally seeing that the world doesn’t pay as much attention as you might think. I know, I tested that out at an early age. In order to break the rules, first, you must learn them. Of which I am proud to say I gave you in spades, in terms of those social graces.
After you’ve mastered the social graces? Wear what you want, say what moves you. Be kind. Be thoughtful. Be yourself.
Remember, it is not all about you, and you will do fine.
And, of course…do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Sermon on the Mount.
Your Mother was always curtailing my wish to get you involved with the Church. After that day you came home and told her she was going to hell, well, that settled that.
Certainly, the Priest at St. Peter’s at the time was rather a high-Anglican, bash you over the head with God type. I really felt you needed a spiritual upbringing. Your Mother of course disagreed. She felt you should be free to make your own spiritual choices. Discover faith on your own. See its truths, and it’s lies before you decide. If you decide.
I disagreed with her on that. But I stepped back and let her parent you as she saw fit.
Now I see that your garden is your sanctuary. As you would say, your bliss. I see your meadows and woods have become in a sense your church. As long as you have that, you can find the spirit anywhere. Everywhere. Yet do not discount the sense of community those mere bricks and mortar may offer.
Don’t keep the world out. Go into it. Enjoy it. Revel in its dichotomies. Don’t stay shut in like your Mother. Find happiness and joy and silliness. People are not paying as much attention as you would think. Certainly keep some decorum, dear, don’t overdo it (as your want to do).
You don’t have to dress for success to be one. That’s just all hooey. You do choose your success’ and your joys. You just choose to be joyful. You choose to be happy with what God gave you.
Your weakness’, your flaws, they are always going to be what people are attracted to. Those things about yourself you hide? Those, Paula, are the very things that make others feel more at ease. We all have them, so why hide them from everyone?
Though, it is a fine line between being that outlaw you spoke of yesterday, and being too much the outsider. Be careful.
I am proud that you seek knowledge, as did I. Never be afraid to see different sides of things, and to be proven wrong, that is good. Wisdom is gained through insight. So you must seek out those challenges to your ideas, to broaden your horizons.
This is not a dress rehearsal.
You were quite right when you told the Palliative Doctor at the hospital when you were taking your Mom home to die that “you can’t mess this up“. You can’t make a mistake with death, but you can with life.
By not living it.
Must mosey on.
And keep smiling. Even when sometimes it may only be on the inside. Sometimes that’s just enough. Being kind to others, you know, never hurt anyone. Certainly one must be kind to one’s self first.