Intense is the red wine stain on my new carpet. Intense is the emotions that riddle my waking mind & spirit. Intense is the last few years of my life, the emotions they have conjured and the state of mind that now finds me slightly adrift. Intense was the hangover that is a product of that red wine stain.
Intense is the sadness that permeates my waking life. A sadness that has shaken me to the core, and transcended mere grief, and stemmed my creative spirit. This emotional rollercoaster has surprised me, and perhaps the red wine stains are but a simple thing, perhaps solved with Hydrogen Peroxide and Baking Soda, yet a sign of what I could become if I were to let this intensity spread.
Sadness, like grief, is not a simple thing. Disappointments and loneliness are but instigators, and one can wallow in these dark, dreary places. There is this feeling of a deadness inside that has only become apparent recently. I still savour the light, I welcome happiness, but I’ve lost some of the desire one needs to awake from the dreary, dark holes of grief.
My goals today are simpler then they were a year ago. Now, I just want a life, not a particular kind, just a life devoid of sadness, and the intensity of grief. To slowly, gradually, rediscover who I am, and what I most desire from this life I’ve been given. I want to find that intensity of light again, the intensity of spirit.
Where is it? I’ve asked, and pleaded for the answer, knowing full well where not to look. Yet, tis simpler to try to ignore the nagging grief, and the solitude that breeds sadness. I now recognize that somehow I need to find time, and the desire to go looking, in the places where happiness resides – inside, it has been, lying hidden in the dark where I left it so many years ago.
Inspired by: The Daily Prompt: Intense