I am seriously blessed to work for a company that, while they may not do get everything right, and what company does, but dang, they get the important stuff. So, early last summer at work they sat us down in the meeting room, HR person from HQ was there, and she proceeded to tell me things bout LGBTQQIP2SAA that actually left me jaw-dropped stunned at … Continue reading So, About My Modus Operandi And The Shrapnel Of My Delusions
This purging of the posts is rather cathartic, seeing the number drop away, this one, that one, gawd no that’s not staying, all into the trash. Originally dated October 11th, 2014, I had lived here just over a year, and it was days away from the 2nd anniversary of Tim’s death on the 18th, that month of loss and many griefs were upon me. As … Continue reading 75th Draft Dredged From The Bowels Of My Blog: It’s Not Just The Colour Of The Leaves
After I’d spend the day occupying myself with a walk downtown. After buying Himalayan Salt at the market, after Sushi for lunch, and after wandering past the old BealArt stomping grounds (which is now a basketball court), after, I came home. But I was still wracked with this need to reach out to him. But I maintained ‘radio silence. I was silent. Completely silent. I … Continue reading That Man
Been lost in thought, like all week. Over-analysing every detail of this thing called life. Pft, well, maybe it was due. Untangling stuff so knotted up with lies and betrayals that I just wasn’t seeing clearly. I think blue.eyed.man fogged up my rose-coloured glasses. I’ve been seeing things that weren’t there, mirages, mists that shrouded my spirit. And, Mom, know that I haven’t told you … Continue reading The Men In The Mirror That Mask Our Magic
by Maya Angelou We, unaccustomed to courage exiles from delight live coiled in shells of loneliness until love leaves its high holy temple and comes into our sight to liberate us into life. Love arrives and in its train come ecstasies old memories of pleasure ancient histories of pain. Yet if we are bold, love strikes away the chains of fear from our souls. We … Continue reading On Love | Maya Angelou
“What do you fear, lady?” [Aragorn] asked. “A cage,” [Éowyn] said. “To stay behind bars, until use and old age accept them, and all chance of doing great deeds is gone beyond recall or desire.” ― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King Is desire all that and a bag of chips? That sort of deep, shaking, blinding, sort? Is it? I find it is … Continue reading Why I Watered The Walnut Tree
Anticipation pounding in my chest. Butterfly nerves fluttering, as I walked in with this rare desire I’ve only read about in books or romantic comedies. You know, the pounding heart, hand shaking sort of desire. The sort of desire that comes forth outa some hidden place, that take one unawares. And so I ventured down, again, to blue.eyed.mans. We played horseshoes in the shade, out … Continue reading Why I Love Emotionally Unavailable Men
Sitting here this morning before I have to get ready for work, and trying to find some inspiration, something to write about. Go back into the kitchen, get my coffee, and as I’m waiting for the Keurig to brew me a cupa, I glance over at the photo I placed behind my little coffee station. I took this pic one rainy morning at the cottage, … Continue reading What Does Forgiveness Mean?
When I first met Tim his life was about drugs, music, late nights and alcohol – and it was that life that ultimately killed him. I’d always been attracted to the music scene, and still love the energy of live music. Thus it was that I became entangled in the life he led. Yet, in time I realized that Tim’s life was not out front, but rather out … Continue reading Confessions Of A Caregiver
I’d come home from high school, and I’d often walk in to Motown blaring in the basement, and there she’d be, dancing away. Often doing the Mash Potatoe, or some other complicated thing I could never really master. My gawd, could that woman kick it. Tomorrow is the anniversary of her death. All Hallows Eve, when the veil thins, is a time of year that … Continue reading My Momma Liked To Dance
It was 3AM when I got the call. It had been an odd day. Out of the blue, or so, it seemed at the time, this volunteer lady with VON just somehow called me, and she drove me back that day to the cottage from the hospital. As she was driving me, she goes “now I have insomnia, so don’t you hesitate to call me, … Continue reading Hazey Dayz and Angelz
Haunted, beautiful, sad and the subject is hard not for me to connect with, I could create a soundtrack for this weekend, but quite frankly at the present I couldn’t name one artist I retained, other than Lana Del Rey. Lana Del Rey’s Summertime Sadness was the theme song of this weekend. My Lil’Sis discovered it on Friday night. The girls had friends over…so it … Continue reading Merry Maudlin Monday w/Lana Del Rey
For three weeks in January the clock in the living-room was stopped at 7:45. It went tick tock tick tock away, but the hands didn’t move. Sort of like me, metaphorically. I ignored it. Tick tock tick tock, BLAH BLAH BLAH with my fingers in my ears was I. Even before I met Tim, well before, lets say forever, I have dreamed of a little … Continue reading The Merry Maudlin Bohemian Years
by PaulaB 