Now, the weather outside is frightful, when inside it is so delightful…and it snowed, and it snowed, and it snowed. Hadn’t pretty much all winter, but it made up for it this past weekend. Then once the snow had all fallen, the temperature dipped to -25 (or more) for about 48 hours or so. Even had to drag out my -40 big-ass Sorel moon boots … Continue reading Fixing A Scratch In My Vinyl
As you no doubt are aware, Elephants grieve. They stand by their loved ones and shed tears. They bury them, even recognize the bones of friends and family; and even can pick out their loved one’s skull from a group of others. They stay by the bodies or come to visit loved ones after death. Like something calls them maybe? Who knows. But they are … Continue reading We Mourn Like Elephants
As Autumn turns to Winter, I am dancing away and that which once haunted my periphery. Made my way back to The Coves. Those abandoned Apple Trees helped me to cope with a dying marriage. And thinking this morn of how Tim LOVED going for walks he would have loved these places. No bossy Tim, no lying Tim, no addicted Tim, no dying Tim, just … Continue reading Miles Away From Grey
The clock goes tick, tock, tick, tock, and the mechanical echoing of the male Cardinal awakens the dawn light. It is morning again, Saturday morning to be exact, and this weekend is May 24. Drinking copious amounts of alcohol for some, a big gardening weekend for others. Guess you and I Mom would fall into some a both categories, eh? Perhaps not COPIOUS amounts, but certainly some … Continue reading Dave’s Not Here (well actually he was and he was naked)
I’ve learned that turning away from loss can eat away at your spirit, eventually slithering into every pore of your being, spreading out its sooty tendrils, and digesting you piece by piece, and leaving you empty. I’ve learned you can not pick the emotions you want to feel, for in doing so you deaden them all. Grief and loss can provide a pathway towards more … Continue reading An Honouring Of Love
Mom, there is aspect to these letters I can no longer ignore. A certain, em, almost freedom somehow. Writing to you in this manner has given me focus, and an acknowledgement of my beliefs, and of course I know you know a lot of this already. I’m not daft, but I know you watch out for us. I know when you’re around. I’ve always bared … Continue reading Entrances & Exits
I recall the exact moment I knew Tim was ready to leave. I was ensconced in my acquired cubby-hole, that space I had carved out for my self after his death. I was listening to music and these series of songs played, one by one, and then and there I knew he was saying goodbye to me. I had been hitting random and had asked … Continue reading Why I Talk To The Dead
If there is one thing I know, it is the many facets of grief. It hangs around in the shadows, and dampens our spirit – not letting it out is what feeds it. So I suppose that release of pent-up angst is what yesterday perhaps was about, my letting out of those shadows. So yesterday, that last day of the days of nothing, walks, and … Continue reading Why I Made Mac and Cheese
Thirteen years ago tonight, the sun began to set, the veil thinned, and we said goodbye to you. In those last eight days, we struggled to come to terms with the loss of you, and still do. We are changed, all of us, who were there. I have to work today, but later on I’m going to M & S’s for a Halloween party…so this … Continue reading Farewell October
Hey Mom… I started this at 5:25am 2 years on, exactly when I held his hand and whispered to him, it will be ok. He could be honest, brutally so. He could be gentle, thoughtful, and sweet. He could be a good friend, and he could be a thief. He struggled with self-esteem, although only the astute would have known. He could be as mean, as he could … Continue reading Messy Memories In Paradise
I’ve sat here for the last half hour pondering what I wish to write about; heck, I’ve been pondering it for days. Everything inside my head is disjointed. On the bus the other day I got thinking about all the loves of my life. From the short-lived trysts, the long-winded disasters, each have defined a particular time in my life. Maybe that’s it? That THEY … Continue reading Princes & Pirates & Paupers
Sitting here this morning before I have to get ready for work, and trying to find some inspiration, something to write about. Go back into the kitchen, get my coffee, and as I’m waiting for the Keurig to brew me a cupa, I glance over at the photo I placed behind my little coffee station. I took this pic one rainy morning at the cottage, … Continue reading What Does Forgiveness Mean?
Today I find out my fate – at 1:04pm I find out what shift I’m going to be working for the foreseeable future. Let me say, the anxiety is horrid. My stomach is in knots, I had a horrible sleep last night, and I’m fighting a sinus infection to boot. Of course, to make it as inconvenient as possible, they scheduled it for the exact … Continue reading My Life On The Hamster Wheel
The Temenos Journal 