How I Was Humbled By Joy

I was outside at work partaking in a cylinder of sin the other day, chatting with a co-worker, and I mentioned how I’d given this woman I saw at the bus-stop that day a bus ticket. I explained how she was on her way downtown to speak to her caseworker, and to see if she could get $10.  She quickly mentioned how she was hoping the bus driver would let her on as she didn’t have enough change. Well, that’s easily solved I told her, and I got my wallet out and gave her one of my bus tickets. She thanked me, and we went on chatting. She had alot of that Ottawa Valley spirit I so admire. She could not possibly all out ask for something of a stranger, that was obvious. I believe though that we are all the same, there is no difference. We all have our times when we are in need, and we all have those times when we have something to give. What goes around comes around.

Than I told him how since she was from Ottawa, and how this wasn’t that cold and she just wore wool socks on her hands as mitts. He’s like, “oh my god Paula, you’re going to make me cry“… with this twinkle in his eye, and this sideways smile.

I than referred back to his original question, and mentioned how I too was hoping maybe I may get a bit of VTO later that day (voluntary time off), since I had spread some joy. However, I quantified though with how I didn’t do it because I expected anything. HOWEVER… I had contributed something good to the universe. I did hope, maybe, I could squeeze a little “three-fold law” back my way. Course, than later that same night I ended up missing my bus because a call took me over the magical 9:05 mark, and I ended up waiting outside in the cold for 20 minutes and got home much later than I would have normally.{grumble grumble grumble}.THAT felt like a kick in the arse. Maybe should have just kept my mouth shut.

This all is actually what REALLY prompted yesterday mornings post Oh, The Injustice Of It All.

Yesterday morning I was in a bit of a funk. I felt rather pouty, and really wanted to call in sick to work. But it was all just BooHoo. I had to give myself the old pep talk, and decided that as long as I always looked towards the positive aspect of something, than every moment becomes brighter. It’s so simple… like looking ahead to the weekend, and the joy of having a whole day to do whatever you want, if that’s what you want. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day there will be lots, and lots of joy. There always is. As cold and brittle as I feel now, today, yesterday, there is always some small wonders on the horizon.

The next day everyone at work was all twiddle-dee-do and how are you today… and I mean there was a noticeable shift in spirit. The sky was blue, the temperature was reasonable (a mere -11c), and the SUN was out. All of the afternoon shifters had been able to spend time out-of-doors I guess, and there was a sprinkle of happiness all over. We have 3 or 4 different contracts in the building, and not all contracts get VTO, so it’s not like everyone was going home…everyone was just really rather happy.

HAH. So, what happened yesterday when I got to work? There I sat in my chair just logging in and munching on my Taquito from 7/11, and the MOD (real-time manager) pokes his head over the cubical and says “Do You Want to Go Home Right Now“? Fred, you are going to make me cry, was my reply. Oh ye of little faith, was I.

Oh dear, I swear to god I had tears in my eyes all the way home. I was so excited to come home, grab Irish, and take a jaunt around the neighbourhood, in the sunshine. She was going to be sooo happy… since her head-stuck-in-her-arse master has been too lazy and downtrodden to bother walking her…in a month.

Certainly 2 weeks of that was due to my broken tail-bone, as I was too afraid she’d pull me right off my unstable feet and hurt myself worse. After my tail healed though, I just felt so exhausted after work every night I just didn’t feel like doing anything but curl up with a Time Team episode.

She goes outside and romps around, and of course finds some way to peruse her environment atop some rise of snow. Perched within her domain she watches the world of the village go by. She has been very good too, a superb listener, and a seemingly happy doggy. For FOUR WEEKS. WOW !!! Christmas broke it up, and she had a good ol’play with the sisters new addition, gangly Stella.

Stella and Irish

Irish has grown up. They say Golden’s and Yellow Labs both mature late, 6 years old is average, and Irish turns 6 this May. She is so good…she listens well, has the patience of Job sometimes, and seems to have enjoyed her snuggle in the warm den time we’ve had.

But yesterday the birds were chirping away, the people all enjoying the fresh, crisp, sunshine.

AND I GOT THE DAY OFF !!!!!!!

The first thing I did once I had arrived at my domicile, was turn right back around and walk down the way and buy a brand new pretty leash, and some dog treats at the pet store in town {I left the other leash at the Homestead, I discovered when I got home}. So now she’s accented with a little Pretty in Pink.

IMG_0006-007

So off we went on our stroll around the sunny neighbourhood, of course stopping every 8 or so feet to sniff out the News (dog pee). I was certainly in no hurry, and as long as she stayed in the sunshine I was in bliss.

I desperately needed a short reprieve. I needed some spontaneous, random joyful bits to fill up my empty spirit. These four squared years and weeks have changed me, and thus I’ve had to adjust and figure out how to take something good from this. As I close one chapter in my life, I know I now have a sense of peace with it all. Well, er, most of it anyways – not by any means all.

I was so thankful that I kissed the snow with my camera, and tried to capture as much of its beauty as I could. Yesterday was one of those rare mid-winter days. Later today, and all day Saturday it’s suppose to rain, and BYE BYE beautiful frosty white world – HELLO slushy, mushy mess.

Happiness can be so mysterious, rare and always welcoming. It can take hold, without any provocation, and move everything forward a little faster. I’ve been trudging up that hill, and finally I am almost at the summit. I’ve reached a plateau, and today I’m savouring that view… and yet still there is a long path laid out before me. However, these moments of happiness and joy are enough.

I feel so foundational lately. Like I’ve been stripped back to a simpler place for a reason. I have no clue what that reason may be, but my compulsion has been to hold the pattern until further notice.

I have so many thoughts, feelings, ideas, inspirations, words, lines of poems and other random bits always watchful and present swirling around. I can think of SO many directions I could go in, but I just can’t decide which. I’ve concluded that usually its best just to go along with your gut, as fighting it does one no good in the end.

I just need to HOLD PATTERN – contentment born of simplicity.

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