Grief
The 66th Draft: Reconstructing a future
It’s been a week of rain, as I write this I can hear it is once again pouring, I’m writing this in a stream of consciousness, and it seems apt that almost every day more rain falls to wash all the things away I no longer need to carry, no longer need to burden myself […]
MoreEvery Year On That Day
Seventeen years ago this October 31st, and Mother’s Day blows in like a gentle breeze, kisses my cheek, and I smile and am thankful I had her as my mom. The other day at work I overheard some co-workers asking each other what are you doing for your mom this year? I got teary, turned […]
MoreA Bonfire For The Soul
I may have to change my route to work, as I cycle past his place, zigzagging through the village. Not a big thing, and won’t change the time it takes, but something. Something I have to avoid for a bit, I think, until the rawness subsides. It’s a trigger. Definitely a BIG trigger. I honestly […]
MoreLeaving Day
I know grief, its pit in the stomach, its hollow insides, its anxiety, its tears, its unexpectedness, and that’s how I know that this feeling is grief. I know it’s inability to eat cause of the sick feeling in your stomach, the drifting mindless from room to room, documentary to movie to Hallmark crap Movie […]
MoreMaking Space For Better Things, Finally
Maybe in a way it’s like I put my grief in there too, and when I found it sitting, buried under a heap of all the things I hadn’t made time to sort out yet, after taking everything out, laying strewn around my small space, I dealt with the pieces, one by one, until that […]
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One by One: a year later
A year ago today, I wrote this – One by One [published: Oct. 31, 2012] I had been blogging 5 days. It was just me and Irish, alone at the Lake, in our little cottage. I was experiencing a profound grief. Tim’s death had been so much different than hers. So many different emotions, experiences, […]
MoreHazey Dayz and Angelz
It was 3AM when I got the call. It had been an odd day. Out of the blue, or so, it seemed at the time, this volunteer lady with VON just somehow called me, and she drove me back that day to the cottage from the hospital. As she was driving me, she goes “now […]
MoreHow Do You Mourn The Dead?
I’ve been weighing lately the merits to glossing over my life with Tim and creating out of the ashes a new version of the truth. There is no easy way to remember my time with him. I remember distinctly the day I decided I was coming along for this crazy ride. I know, and as […]
MoreThe Gifts Of The Muse
Oh, I am so fey, so much sometimes that tea-towel in the wind. As the weather warms, the trees all fresh with new green leaves, spring flowers burst out with their pinks & yellows & purples, and as the light rises in the sky, it illuminates so many memories. Good f’n maudlin sometimes. I push […]
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the temenos journal 