it just feels good to cry to lay my grief down and acknowledge from blue day sunshine that muddled path behind the hazy way ahead; quiet moments within released and wet my weary mind on bloodrooted walkways under long shadows down thru that swampy mill and up along the grey paved way underneath that sky but I cry for things which are lost for that … Continue reading somedays
My goal is to find my way forward with a re-packaged set of truths; so as to reference them as a positive, and not merely as a negative aspect of my past. To take what was and go forward with it, but not dragging behind me like a satchel of shit. Continue reading The Whether Station
For three weeks in January the clock in the living-room was stopped at 7:45. It went tick tock tick tock away, but the hands didn’t move. Sort of like me, metaphorically. I ignored it. Tick tock tick tock, BLAH BLAH BLAH with my fingers in my ears was I. Even before I met Tim, well before, lets say forever, I have dreamed of a little … Continue reading The Merry Maudlin Bohemian Years
More snow squalls today, I don’t watch the news really anymore so no idea if we’ll get any. I do need to go into town soon, as my supplies are running low, to nil. Nil in the toilet paper category, coffee running low. Toilet paper is being substituted by paper towel. Nice. Coffee is now being supplied via the french press, rather than the Keurig. … Continue reading Trapped in Paradise
And from where I stand… A fraction of time spent in innocence, we spend in wonder of ourselves. In beliefs instilled to haunt us, we break at the bonds that hold us. From distant lands of imagination, the world spins by unnoticed, until the spiral tightens, and we are faced with our own creation. From there we see the future and know the absence and … Continue reading Lost in Helium Spheres | Part One
This will be the last entry from this journal. The rest of the journal I used for notes for my genealogy. Between the dates, I transcribed there are some personal things I have left out, but I only wanted to paint a picture of who I am, and the circumstances that brought me here. It’s now time to set free a couple important truths I … Continue reading The truth shall set me free | September 29 2012
I’ve been struggling all morning with what I was going to write about today. This is going to be a week of both joy and sadness I believe. This the first Christmas after Tim’s death. Although, this year Christmas is going to be difficult for so many; not the least for a small town in Connecticut. I think these words from John Lennon sum up … Continue reading Shining a light
The metamorphosis of a butterfly relates to well, even the whole idea of the Hero’s Journey, relates to that transformation from one thing to another. Yet in between there is the cocoon, or, sacred space ~ Temenos. Continue reading Moments & Months | July 27th 2012
This post is sort of an ‘homage’ in a way to things past. Yesterday was a day to open things up and see what is inside. I did go into our bedroom finally yesterday and began that difficult task. I started with the hardest of those things; the bags with his stuff that the hospital sent home. So I stood there in our bedroom and … Continue reading A Suitcase For Memories
This Journey through grief has taken a hold of me over the last few days. I can feel its grip in the hollow of my throat. It means to find every last salty tear and rip it from me. Yet I will not wallow in these dark caves. I will not let the shadows become my reality. I’ve experienced these dark days after a loss … Continue reading Thameswood – Part One
“He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.” Aeschylus The comment I didn’t send to the Huffington Post I just finished watching the Brian Goldman’s video on Ted weekends – Dr. Brian Goldman: Doctors … Continue reading January 12, 2011 – Doctor’s make mistakes
Didn’t really feel like writing anything today. Didn’t think I wanted to. But I’m bored stiff, so why not. I’m going to copy today the next entry in my saga with Tim. To summarize, this journal was written over the course of 2 years. It records our experiences, and my reflections, on our journey with Tim’s Pancreatic cancer. BUT, as for today….More rain. More blawdy … Continue reading December 21, 2010 – My Irish Rover & Me
Tonight will be the 11th anniversary of my Moms death. At only 54 years old, and a new Grandma only 2 months, at 5:45 pm my Mom passed away at home with all of us around her. I remember the old Maple out front was still golden. Enya was playing on the CD player, and Dad had just told Mom, finally, that he was ready to … Continue reading One by One
by PaulaB 