It wasn’t that long ago I could barely browse through those photos from my days in Grey. Like getting lost in some gigantic labyrinth, once on the otherside you can’t help but be changed. I experienced the layer of loss death provides, and its hard not to acknowledge the lessons inherent in death, and dying. Not our own, so much as our experiences as we move … Continue reading The 3rd Law Of Life After Death
it is here, again. like seasons, like clouds like weather. fear it, or not, yet still it comes. lazy days, give way, to rain. to cloud. to sun. again. yet still it comes. it, sooths you, may move you, improve you, and, it will change you. yet still it will come. In response to The Daily Post’s weekly photo challenge: “Change.” Continue reading And All There Is Left Is Me
It’s been this on again, off again, thang, for about two years now. It’s on again, although I’m not exactly sure why, but there ya go Ok, so I’ve been kvetching with a fellow widow I met through my Earth Angel. We’ve plied the depths, of the men we’ve dated, past and present, and the role we both played in our spouses deaths, as caregivers. … Continue reading With This Ring I Thee…
It slammed into me, this entangled mystery, a few days ago. I’ve wrestled with its myriad implications, yet can’t quite grasp onto it; atleast not entirely. Yeah, and certainly the true significance of …it… still escapes me. Oh, and scares me. Yip. As well puts the old BS meter on hi-alert. I just can not stop thinking…why? Why Why Why? Why THAT day? Out of … Continue reading Random Encounters
It slithers in the door, drifts across the old wooden floor, floats up through the sheets I lie upon.Thoughts come unbidden to my mind – I can’t remember his voice, I’m forgetting who he was, the words he would say, the engagement of those last days before death finally had its way. Tears streak my cheeks, and grief once again pays a visit. It was … Continue reading I Am Forgetting Him
So I’ve been wracking my noggin Mom all this week, trying to decipher who the mystery.texter is. I’ve asked various questions, not all of which have been answered, but from what have, piece by piece, I have whittled down the possibilities. I don’t know many people, so there is a limited crew of those who had the means to contact me. I earlier in the … Continue reading The Mystery Man and The Memories
So Mom, in homage to you, I was up Halloween night till 3am kvetching and such at an old friends. In our midnight ramblings she reminded me of how messed up I was after I separated, and left our little block at the Coves. Totally lost touch with them you know Mom, and I’m ashamed of that, cause she is a true friend. I just turned … Continue reading On Friends, And Things Forgotten
It was just one thousand, four hundred and seventy-five days. That’s all there were. Just now, whilst re-arranging my closet, I came across another reminder of those last days of Tim’s life. Some sort of bed liners that the palliative Nurse had given us, and for some insane reason I’d saved the stupid things. Crazy really, but I suppose it’s my Grandma in me not wanting stuff … Continue reading The Gnarl of Beauty in its new home
Just came upon this article via my Newsfeed with the headline “7 Ways To Tell If A Millennial Is Depressed“, underneath it had “frequently waking up at 4 or 5 in the morning due to elevated levels of stress hormones“. Em…I’m doing that lately. So I read the article. I’ve been getting up at not just 4am, but also at 3am, and 2am. Back to … Continue reading Trying To Fix What Ain’t Broke
The things that you find when ya ain’t AT ALL looking for them, geesh. My closet door wouldn’t close, and kept creaking and coming open. So I had to take these boxes out, and re-arrange them. In one of the boxes is Tim’s records, notes, receipts etal from that year and some – ephemera from a life of pain and sadness. So I had to … Continue reading Where The Painful Things Go
A year ago today, I wrote this – One by One [published: Oct. 31, 2012] I had been blogging 5 days. It was just me and Irish, alone at the Lake, in our little cottage. I was experiencing a profound grief. Tim’s death had been so much different than hers. So many different emotions, experiences, thoughts, and the circumstances. The grief was even different. Tim … Continue reading One by One: a year later
It was 3AM when I got the call. It had been an odd day. Out of the blue, or so, it seemed at the time, this volunteer lady with VON just somehow called me, and she drove me back that day to the cottage from the hospital. As she was driving me, she goes “now I have insomnia, so don’t you hesitate to call me, … Continue reading Hazey Dayz and Angelz
There is a place, I’ve read, where grief becomes something else. A writer I read from The Huffington Post called it “self-pity”. The “oh poor me, look how sad I am”…and she’s right, you do. Some for an hour, some for days, others for years and years…but we all do. It is an aspect of grief no one really talks about. My Mom and I … Continue reading Grief, and then … Self-pity?
by PaulaB 