I am hiding something in the cellar. A bench a piano bench. I am broken. In a night full of shame; after I left. THREE TIMES. I tried to walk away. couldn’t this time. WHY? Now I am alone with the truth. Continue reading I am a broken piano bench
it’s what I do. I take my mop, my dreams, and I turn away. Sometime between somewhere amongst the trees I lost my way. Continue reading I walk away
“Only when the heart is still is the journey over… and even then …there are rivers to cross.” Charles DeLint, from ‘Spiritwalk’ Of muddled myths, Helium Spheres, broken friendships and unconquered dreams, define this time. The time that had passed, I look back today and see the rocky waves of emotions, smashed dreams, and broken hearts. This time that had passed became a sort of … Continue reading The Lady of the Cellar | Part One
According to Jung, at around the age of six or seven we separate and then hide away the parts of ourselves that don’t seem acceptable, that don’t fit in the world around us. [first line from ‘Spirits in the Wires’, by Charles DeLint] I carry a wisp of that little girl still inside. I remember I was not feeling well that day, it was late … Continue reading The spirits are talking silliness thru the wires
Dear Diary I know this isn’t a good way to start a new Diary, but I had an awful day. And so began my old Journal from the period Oct.8.1986 – Oct.23.1993. In ’86 I was at BealArt. I was trying to be “all that, and a bag a chips”. ;-) This journal is full of all the loves found, lost, picked up and scattered … Continue reading Dear Diary … October 8th, 1986
“DO, OR DO NOT, THERE IS NO TRY” [spoken by Yoda, Star Wars Trilogy] That is my “go to” quote, as it has always inspired me. There is truth in the message it whispers, of resolution, but also in its acknowledgment of self. It is establishing boundaries, of self, and of going with your gut. I never make resolutions for that reason alone. I do … Continue reading Pinnacle of prompts and Yoda speaks
When Paul had his first breakdown it started to crumble an already weakened foundation, and in time the four became three, then just two, and today our worlds are completely separate. There was a time though when that was not so. There was a time when the circle was complete and all four musketeers were harmonizing to The Nylons or dancing the Tango in shadow … Continue reading Lost in Helium Spheres | Conclusion
I realize as I am wandering through these pages that there are today threads entangled still within my present. As much as I let go of so much already, there are still a few small unhealed wounds … and they started around this time. Paul had become an important part of my life for almost 6 years, over half of my marriage. The flowing strains … Continue reading Lost in Helium Spheres | Part Three
“Pathologizing psyche is not wrong…and to realize deeply that it is not wrong, but rather necessary, is healing” James Hillman IN DAYS SPENT I found myself cascading off mountains, plummeting down towards anger, uplifting my eyes to guilt, surrendering to helpless stagnation.Looking into the eyes of maniacal loss. A sweeping denial; dulled vision. Possible continuation swaying in the breeze. Doors of life and death are … Continue reading Lost in Helium Spheres | Part Two
And from where I stand… A fraction of time spent in innocence, we spend in wonder of ourselves. In beliefs instilled to haunt us, we break at the bonds that hold us. From distant lands of imagination, the world spins by unnoticed, until the spiral tightens, and we are faced with our own creation. From there we see the future and know the absence and … Continue reading Lost in Helium Spheres | Part One
Found two more old journals stored away in the attic back at the homestead. Have spent the last few hours since I got back this afternoon “strolling” down memory lane. Found more old pictures of Tim and I from that first year we were here at the cottage, 2009, plus lots of good memories and things that make me smile. The journals are what I … Continue reading Old Journals ~ an introduction
I walk on tear drops from a thousand eyes, as ancient as the core of a mountain. With gentleness profound and earthly, I feel the subtle shifts of a mind. In brief moments of disbelief, I see into a thousand tomorrows’. Forever concealing the nature of their existence, I shelter the secrets of those many hearts. In flesh or dust, Through centuries or millenniums, I … Continue reading Spiritwalker
I should know better, I really should. Too much stimulation last night, and I found myself escaping the New Year chaos of celebration. At twenty minutes to midnight I couldn’t handle the people, the wine punch or the feelings that gathered up inside me. All I could think of was getting back to the homestead and spending New Years with Irish, who was alone back … Continue reading Can happiness make you sad?
by PaulaB 