I know grief, its pit in the stomach, its hollow insides, its anxiety, its tears, its unexpectedness, and that’s how I know that this feeling is grief. I know it’s inability to eat cause of the sick feeling in your stomach, the drifting mindless from room to room, documentary to movie to Hallmark crap Movie on YouTube, lost in a fog. I know it’s out-of-place … Continue reading Leaving Day
So for part three of this best of series I chose this one I suppose because of its truth and healing. This series took me back to one of the most difficult times, at the close of the 20th century. Posted originally January 2nd, 2013, was another time of great change. I guess I am proudest of these posts. After the Helium posts I carried … Continue reading The Best Of ¦ part 3 in three parts
We are different, my sister and I, but we’ve grown together over the years. It’s funny how time, space, and shared loss, and at one point or another, you find she has become essential. No longer the annoying hunk of flesh that your Mom’s loins disappointingly gave forth, but the voice on the end of the phone who knows all the essential details of your stories. … Continue reading My Sister and I
I’ve worked on a phone, whether it be customer service or sales, for almost 25 years now. In that time, I’ve learned something important – I deal with men a lot easier than with women. Which is interesting, because I tend to as well have more male friends than female. I don’t deal as well with most females, and I don’t have very many close … Continue reading On Learning How To Make Friends
Today is the 4 month anniversary of my first post October 26, 2012. Three months ago I reformatted and moved that first post into the page THE PROLOGUE. That was a direct response to the reality of what this blog had become for me. The prologue was a sort of eulogy I wrote to give to the Anglican priest who was performing the service at … Continue reading I’m Four Months Old
When Paul had his first breakdown it started to crumble an already weakened foundation, and in time the four became three, then just two, and today our worlds are completely separate. There was a time though when that was not so. There was a time when the circle was complete and all four musketeers were harmonizing to The Nylons or dancing the Tango in shadow … Continue reading Lost in Helium Spheres | Conclusion
I realize as I am wandering through these pages that there are today threads entangled still within my present. As much as I let go of so much already, there are still a few small unhealed wounds … and they started around this time. Paul had become an important part of my life for almost 6 years, over half of my marriage. The flowing strains … Continue reading Lost in Helium Spheres | Part Three
“Pathologizing psyche is not wrong…and to realize deeply that it is not wrong, but rather necessary, is healing” James Hillman IN DAYS SPENT I found myself cascading off mountains, plummeting down towards anger, uplifting my eyes to guilt, surrendering to helpless stagnation.Looking into the eyes of maniacal loss. A sweeping denial; dulled vision. Possible continuation swaying in the breeze. Doors of life and death are … Continue reading Lost in Helium Spheres | Part Two
And from where I stand… A fraction of time spent in innocence, we spend in wonder of ourselves. In beliefs instilled to haunt us, we break at the bonds that hold us. From distant lands of imagination, the world spins by unnoticed, until the spiral tightens, and we are faced with our own creation. From there we see the future and know the absence and … Continue reading Lost in Helium Spheres | Part One
Found two more old journals stored away in the attic back at the homestead. Have spent the last few hours since I got back this afternoon “strolling” down memory lane. Found more old pictures of Tim and I from that first year we were here at the cottage, 2009, plus lots of good memories and things that make me smile. The journals are what I … Continue reading Old Journals ~ an introduction
Once upon a time back on New Years Day 2010, a furry golden ray of sunshine showed up at our door, lost. It had been snowing non-stop since the day before, New Years Eve. We were in the middle of a blizzard. After the festivities from the night before Tim and I were having a quiet night to ourselves, or so we thought. It was … Continue reading How a furry angel found her forever home
Fred the Ficus is, of course, a rescue. Yes, I even save the odd houseplant that SOMEONE has tossed out ON THE BACK PORCH {my sister}. So poor Fred was out there all alone in the dark on her back porch; out back where they parked the cars and stored the garbage. I can still picture him. All alone and so sad-looking. He was mostly … Continue reading Fred the Ficus showed me “the way”
There are rare times in our life when the planets align, the right people are gathered, and MAGIC happens. True magic. The sort of moments that become cherished memories. Those rare times when you are FULLY aware and can thus revel in the moments, imprinting them on your soul for ever more. There are times when you truly are thankful to be alive, to be … Continue reading A cottage, a bonfire & guitars = Céilidh
by PaulaB 