Ever Wish You Could Unknow Someone? I have. Not many mind you. Two actually, and one who just recently turned up. Previous to these two, I’d have to say this was a rather foreign concept. What I guess makes these two stand out, is perhaps not just what they did, but also what I became in their presence. More than that, is that awful feeling … Continue reading Ever Wish You Could Unknow Someone?
It was 3AM when I got the call. It had been an odd day. Out of the blue, or so, it seemed at the time, this volunteer lady with VON just somehow called me, and she drove me back that day to the cottage from the hospital. As she was driving me, she goes “now I have insomnia, so don’t you hesitate to call me, … Continue reading Hazey Dayz and Angelz
May 14, 1974 Well here it is 9:30PM & Paula has just gone to bed to-nite for the 3rd time. Hates going to bed. Just like her mother was & is. Even tho’ she eats a good supper now always has to have something before she can go to bed. Never goes without getting up 3 or 4 times. Afraid she’s going to miss something. … Continue reading from The Red Duo-Tang: Me at 7
Oh, I am so fey, so much sometimes that tea-towel in the wind. As the weather warms, the trees all fresh with new green leaves, spring flowers burst out with their pinks & yellows & purples, and as the light rises in the sky, it illuminates so many memories. Good f’n maudlin sometimes. I push myself, every day, I show myself how wonderful it is … Continue reading The Gifts Of The Muse
My sister is the fourth generation of our family to own this old garden. GrandmaD say’s she remembers when she was young in the early 1920’s and she would visit her Aunt Jen, she says the gardens then were magnificent; the old climbing roses all lusty and intertwining up the giant trellis’, the “elephant turd” {as my mother so lovely referred to the mound that … Continue reading From Above In An Old Garden
It is a simple duo-tang that Mom had created for me and I thought it had been lost in my storage. She began it sometime after I was born, and wrote down every little thing. She wrote down things like: “Rolled over from front to back – August 30, 1967”. “Daddy holds Paula a lot”. “Fussy during day”. “October 2, 1967 – When you speak … Continue reading The Red Duo-Tang
I’ve found this garden to have improved me. There have been a multitude of lessons learned on my knees at this lovely Lake Garden. It was a mentor I will not forget, nor will I deny myself again the simple pleasures a garden offers. For many gardeners the garden becomes a place of refuge ~ a private, even sacred spot where the cycle of the … Continue reading A Garden | Pictures and Words
Being locked in a room with a snake would qualify as my worst fear. My phobia of the wee serpents stems back to my Dad. He hates snakes. We once watched him chase one around the backyard with a lawnmower. My Dads fear of them stems back to his childhood in Eastern North Carolina where a healthy respect for snakes would be an asset. One … Continue reading Zith and serpents of the garden
Dear Diary I know this isn’t a good way to start a new Diary, but I had an awful day. And so began my old Journal from the period Oct.8.1986 – Oct.23.1993. In ’86 I was at BealArt. I was trying to be “all that, and a bag a chips”. ;-) This journal is full of all the loves found, lost, picked up and scattered … Continue reading Dear Diary … October 8th, 1986
I realize as I am wandering through these pages that there are today threads entangled still within my present. As much as I let go of so much already, there are still a few small unhealed wounds … and they started around this time. Paul had become an important part of my life for almost 6 years, over half of my marriage. The flowing strains … Continue reading Lost in Helium Spheres | Part Three
“Pathologizing psyche is not wrong…and to realize deeply that it is not wrong, but rather necessary, is healing” James Hillman IN DAYS SPENT I found myself cascading off mountains, plummeting down towards anger, uplifting my eyes to guilt, surrendering to helpless stagnation.Looking into the eyes of maniacal loss. A sweeping denial; dulled vision. Possible continuation swaying in the breeze. Doors of life and death are … Continue reading Lost in Helium Spheres | Part Two
And from where I stand… A fraction of time spent in innocence, we spend in wonder of ourselves. In beliefs instilled to haunt us, we break at the bonds that hold us. From distant lands of imagination, the world spins by unnoticed, until the spiral tightens, and we are faced with our own creation. From there we see the future and know the absence and … Continue reading Lost in Helium Spheres | Part One
This will be the last entry from this journal. The rest of the journal I used for notes for my genealogy. Between the dates, I transcribed there are some personal things I have left out, but I only wanted to paint a picture of who I am, and the circumstances that brought me here. It’s now time to set free a couple important truths I … Continue reading The truth shall set me free | September 29 2012
by PaulaB 